D-Day + 365

One year ago today was Dave's first day of chemo.

(read about it here >> D-Day)

Looking back on it, we were so oblivious and uneducated.  Of course, we're not doctors...but we had both done TONS of research on it...not to mention all the countless episodes of ER and Greys Anatomy we had both seen (because those are SUPER-CREDIBLE sources!).  Dave had asked his doctor if, after chemo for the day, he could go to work if he was feeling up to it.  The doctor kind of made a face...like "how in the hell do you think you'll be able to do that?", but said that he supposed it would be OK if Dave thought he was capable. 

We knew that we were clueless, but really, we had no idea just how clueless we were.

That first day was the only day that I stayed with him the whole day.

There was no room in the infusion room for guests, so I stayed out in the waiting room reading and doing a puzzle.  I went in and checked on him a few times.  I brought him and another young man in there lunch (I still feel bad for forgetting that guy's ketchup).  Afterwards we went home thinking "Gee, that wasn't SO bad."  And that evening wasn't bad.  It wasn't until after dinner that he felt a little "blech".  

That was the last day he came home from chemo feeling good.

A year later...and when I think about that first day, I still think to myself "man, we really had no idea what was ahead."

That first day of chemo was nothing like every subsequent day.  The other 15 days of chemo were pure torture for him.

It's funny when I think about the past year of my life....this is my sequence of events:

"Dave got a local job in the middle of last summer, and then cancer happened."  That's literally how I described the last year when talking with my mom this morning.  It's amazing how one little 2.7cm tumor and 16 days of poison can consume your life so much that it becomes the only way to characterize a time frame.

It feels like a lifetime away, but at the same time, it feels like it just happened yesterday.

And it wasn't even happening to me; I was just the bystander.

I can't imagine how the last year feels like for Dave.

On a side note...the blog turns "1" in a couple days...so expect a "happy birthday" post!

Celebration of Life

First things first, I know I owe you a double edition of Fab Friday Five because I slacked off last Friday and didn't do it.  Oops :)

Exactly one year ago yesterday...probably close to this time...Dave and I were sitting in the Urology department at the VA.  A room full of people (and I mean FULL of people) and we were called on before several that were there before us.  All we knew was that Dave had gotten a call that Saturday telling him to come in first thing Monday morning to discuss the results of his ultrasound.

We sat down, met Dr. Fox, and listened as he explained to us that a mostly spherical mass of approximately 2cm was found...the fact that it was spherical indicated it was a tumor, and most tumors there were almost always cancerous and it needed to come out.

He was admitted to the VA that afternoon, had some bloodwork drawn and a CT scan.  

One year ago today, probably also around this same time, we were informed not only of the tumor, but of the two swollen lymph nodes in his abdomen that were indicative of the spread of testicular cancer.  He had surgery that afternoon to remove the testicle and then we spent a long, grueling evening and night at the hospital, against doctor's wishes, until ready to go home the next day.

It's been one year since the diagnosis.

It's been one year since the surgery.

It's been one year since our lives changed forever.

It's been a wild ride.  I've learned a lot about caregiving (I suck at it).  I also learned a lot about cancer and cancer treatments...which is not anything I've ever really planned on learning...and to be honest, I wish I never had to learn it.

It's been one year since Dave was given the inevitable death sentence that comes along with cancer....and he has survived.

Dave posted this yesterday on Facebook:

Well; its been one year and I'm still kicking!!!! It's been rough but I'm happy I beat it and am still cancer free!!! Thank you all for the kind wishes and prayers!!!!!!

‪#‎fcancer‬!!!!!!

One year down, many many many more to go!

!! 100 !!

This is my 100th post, y'all!  And in a couple months, I'll be hitting the one-year mark!

FIRST....an update on Dave :)

He got the results today on his most recent CT scan.  His doctor says that everything looks good as in unchanged.  He's more confident now that his two para-aortic lymph nodes are most likely calcified and perhaps have been calcified all along.  The only way to tell FOR SURE would be to take them out and biopsy them...but because they're unchanged and not causing a problem, there's no need to do that.  If his lymph are (and have always been) calcified, that would have changed his initial staging from 2B to 1.  BUT, the course of action (including chemo) would have been the same.  His next CT scan is scheduled for February, then another one in August.  If those look good, then he won't have another scan until the following August.  Everything's looking good so far, so we're SO GLAD to have kicked this thing in the rear for the foreseeable future (and hopefully, fingers crossed, forever)!

I've been reading that the 100th post should contain a list of 100 things you don't know (or maybe you do!) about me.  

So let's dive in!

1. My birthday is February 6, 1985 (an Aquarius)
2. I'm a sucker for online quizzes
3. I have stinky feet...like...man stinky
4. I can pop my hips in and out of joint (gross, right?!)
5. I love to shop for office supplies
6. And organizational items...though I tend not to use them
7. I'm ULTRA picky about my pens (the ONLY pens worth buying are these right here)
8. I drive barefoot
9. My favorite band is, and always will be, Incubus
10. Likewise, my favorite song is Echo by ^^ 
11. I do not eat any kind of seafood....not even high-dollar lobster
12. The texture of grits makes me want to vomit
13. I can type 78 words per minute...consistently
14. I used ovulation sticks to get pregnant (and plan on a girl)
15. I get mad at my phone every time it auto-corrects "bitch" to "butch"
16. I put ice in my wine...because I'm a girl and can roll like that
17. I only drink Moscato because it's the only wine that is sweet and doesn't taste like grape juice
18. I hate grape juice and all things grape flavored
19. I also hate cherries and all things cherry flavored...too many cherry pickings in Door County as a kid have traumatized me
20. I'm a habitual non-blinker user if I'm already in a "turn only" lane...I'm already in the right-turn-only lane, why do I need to signal to you with a blinker that I'm turning right?
21. I do NOT drink tequila because it makes me REALLY angry
22. I almost never make a recipe exactly how it's written
23. I tend not to measure things when I cook
24. But I DO measure things, precisely, when baking
25. I can eat an entire can of Pringles in one sitting...but luckily I'm an adult and I don't actually do it
26. I can also eat an entire package of Oreos in one sitting...I have to FORCE myself not to
27. I really only prefer ice cream in the winter time
28. If I could, I'd live the rest of my life in Italy
29. Or London
30. When I was a kid I got strep throat twice a year every year, every February and October
31. When eating Rice Krispies, Cheerios, or Crispix, I put AT LEAST 4 or 5 spoons of sugar on top
32. When making coffee at work (in a standard styrofoam cup), I put AT LEAST 4 creamers in it and 3 or 4 packets of sugar
33. I drink water like it's going out of style
34. When I donate blood, I donate for the babies because I'm O-negative, CMV-negative
35. I love to do puzzles...word puzzles and standard jigsaw puzzles
36. I'm an overachiever and so I expect my daughter to be an overachiever
37. I want to take 5 years off from my current life and volunteer for the Peace Corps
38. I live in an almost-constant state of feeling overwhelmed
39. I only weighed 116 pounds the summer before my senior year and I still told myself I was overly fat
40. I dissected a cat my senior year A+P class...and I didn't wear gloves
41. I cheated on an art project in my Art II class when I asked my best friend to draw one of the still life skulls for me
42. The concepts of physics that are supposedly common sense make NO SENSE to me at all
43. I wanted to be a paleontologist as a kid
44. I still played with Barbies in the 6th grade
45. I've only had sex with three people
46. I suck at doing chores
47. When cleaning, I get stuck when it comes down to finding a place to put the stuff I'm not throwing out
48. I've said and done a lot of things in my life that I regret...I've hurt a lot of people's feelings and I hate myself for it
49. I named my first car Tony
50. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 19
51. Eating bread and noodles makes my feet swell, but I'll never stop eating them
52. My daughter said "y'all" the other day...and my heart swelled with pride
53. My daughter said "holy crap" the other day...and my heart also swelled with pride
54. I really want to start doing yoga but I'm so tired at the end of the day that the idea of doing anything physical makes me want to fall into a coma
55. If I had unlimited money, I'd pay off all my family's houses and build them brand new custom ones
56. I have resting bitch face
57. I don't say "sorry" often...but when I do, I mean it
58. Probably because I've heard the word "sorry" so much in my life that it means jack shit to me now...it's just another word
59. I hate tea....hot tea, chamomile tea, sweet tea, chai tea...all tea
60. Not to toot my own horn, but my chocolate cake is better than any chocolate cake I've ever had
61. I wear flip flops probably 355 days a year
62. I've worked in my current place of employment for 10 years
63. The person I see in my head is NOT the person I see in the mirror
64. The person in my head is actually much thinner...but that awful thing in the mirror makes me feel worse about myself than if I never looked in the mirror in the first place
65. While I want to be extra skinny, I'd be happy just being able to shop at regular stores like Target
66. I set three alarms in the morning that go off within four minutes of each other and I still manage to sleep through them all
67. I'd love to stay at home and bake all day long
68. I take a little too much pride in my Starbucks gold card
69. I don't like mustard...or any variation of it...plain, spicy brown, dijon, honey mustard...none
70. I like all things spicy
71. But I don't like pepperjack cheese (too spicy, ironically)
72. I don't like anything sour....no sour candy, no lemonade, no lime margaritas
73. I don't like most fruit because it's all too sour...no peaches, no strawberries (unless doused in sugar)
74. I do not bite my fingernails
75. I'm seriously wishing I had NOT undertaken this "100 things" list....I'm honestly not that interesting
76. I wear my hair in a pony tail not because I love it so much, but because I literally don't know how to do anything else...and it's so damn hot having all that hair resting on my neck and around my face
77. I regret three of my four tattoos
78. I'm considering (for the last four years) going back to school for early childhood education...I think 2nd or 3rd grade would be fun
79. I thought, briefly, in college of changing my major to Psychology because I found it (still find it) so fascinating
80. I like to look up the meaning of every element in my dreams to find out what's really going on in there (like my most recent recurrent dream of my car being stolen...something about losing my identity or something weird like that)
81. I wish we lived back in Wisconsin so we could join a bar volleyball league
82. I wish I had the money to hire a full-time maid
83. I want to go to culinary school
84. I wish we were going somewhere exotic for a week next year instead of Disney
85. I've changed my handwriting style several times in my life
86. I think my favorite book is Heaven by VC Andrews...I've read it several times
87. I get mad when I'm coloring with Aria and she says she's done, but I'm not
88. I also get mad when I'm coloring with Aria and she starts coloring on MY picture with all of her random scribbles
89. My guilty pleasure TV show is Gilmore Girls
90. I fell asleep at work one time when I worked at the dancewear store in high school...right on the floor behind the desk...with the door still unlocked
91. I don't have a favorite movie
92. I like giving presents SO MUCH MORE than receiving presents
93. The look on your face when you speak to me means as much, if not more, than the words you're saying
94. I prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate cream
95. I have at least 20 gray hairs and I've officially stopped yanking them out
96. I don't do well when people who are my equals condescend to me
97. I tend to struggle with authority...can't nobody tell ME what to do (you like that grammar there, don't you?)
98. I'm fairly certain that I cry more than the average adult female
99. Whenever somebody says the n-word, I immediately wonder to myself just how ignorant IS this person
100. I look like a bitch, but I'm really pretty nice...and quite funny...once you get to know me

Have a good weekend, folks!

PS:  I thought about including pictures in this to break up the monotony of reading...but I for real don't have time for that!

Fab Friday Five - CAST IRON EDITION

Quick update on Dave first!  Today he's going for a follow-up CT scan (and is not too excited to have to drink that contrast again) and some labs.  Last night he was worried that the CT scan results would be bad and he'd have to start everything all over again.  I don't know what to do to help him not think that way.

And next week, he starts a new job with a new company that he's been wanting to work with for a few years now, so he's really excited about that.

Anywho, my mommy bought me my very first cast iron skillet and I'm BEYOND excited to try it out!!  Of course, Dave tried to use it in his favor when he reminded me that we could use it this weekend if I agreed to go camping.  That boy must've lost his mind!

Here are a few things I'm excited to make in my new skillet.  Enjoy :)

original recipe >> here

This is the VERY FIRST thing I want to make with my new skillet!! Everybody knows I love to bake...and look at this giant cookie!  MMM!  Put some vanilla ice cream on top, let it melt, a little, and devour!  YUM!

Get recipe >> here

My favorite .... favorite.... bread at Panera Bread is the Asiago Focaccia.  I get it on every sandwich I get there (which, to be honest, is really just one sandwich over and over and over again).  Now...I can make it at home!  Well, almost anyway...but still, I can make my own focaccia.  So when I figure out how to make my chicken salad taste like their Napa Almond Chicken Salad, I'll have the perfect sandwich....at home!  I can't wait!

Baked Macaroni and Cheese >> recipe here

I do love mac and cheese...and making mac and cheese in a cast iron skillet means only two dishes:  the one to cook the pasta and the one for everything else.  Win win!

Recipe >> here

I've had this cake recipe sitting on my Pinterest for FOREVER...just waiting for me to get a cast iron skillet.  Can't wait to finally be able to make this simple (no frosting required) sugar cake!

Skillet Nachos >> recipe here

The actual recipe is for Pizza Skillet Nachos...but seriously, you can use whatever nacho toppings you want, like leftover shredded beef or pork from a crock pot meal, or that last chicken breast that you didn't want to take for lunch because you had nothing to go with it.  The idea of nachos cooked in a skillet in the oven reminds me of the super tasty nachos we used to get at Rooster Beak before it closed ...sad face.  Now I have another thing to plan for dinner...even Aria eat's nachos (if they're not spicy).

Do you have a cast iron skillet?  What's your favorite thing to make in it?

Convos With My Kid

A quick update on Dave (because he pointed out to me that I hadn't updated on him lately and I thought I had).  Dave's hair is growing back on his head and his face.  It's ultra soft (I mean ULTRA soft).  At first it was light...like really light....light gray or blonde maybe.  But now that it's been growing for a bit, it's starting to darken.  His facial hair appears to be a similar color as it was before.  His body hair is just now starting to come back in and is itchy, of course.  In terms of energy level, he feels back to normal.  He's feeling more and more like himself every day.  He has said that now that he's beaten cancer, it's time to start taking better care of himself...eating better, drinking more water, and exercising.



And now...my silly little love muffin, who officially became "preschool age" yesterday on her fourth birthday.  She got to have breakfast at Waffle House with Grandma (complete with dessert), mini cupcakes at school (the teacher told her she could have two), got to jump in the massive puddles at home with her rain boots and rain coat on, got at almost hour-long bath after puddle-jumping to get clean (and warm), and got to watch one of her shows on a school night while having her favorite go-to meal for dinner:  cheese sandwich (not grilled) and BBQ chips.

My way of commemorating her 4th birthday was to give her her very first dose of REAL cold medicine!  I've been waiting for that day for four years!  She woke up today with no snot dripping down her face, no boogers crusted to her face, and much less stuffiness than yesterday.  Triaminic and I are going to have a very beautiful relationship!


A Lesson on Jokes
A:  Mommy, I'm going to tell you a joke.
M:  Oh, you learned a joke at school today?
A:  No, but I'm going to tell you a joke.
M:  OK, go ahead.
A: ....... put a goat in a tree! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
M:  Well honey, that's not quite a joke, but it sure is something silly.
A:  Mommy, I'm going to tell you another joke!
A:  ..... put a chicken in a rain cloud! HAHAHAHAHA!
A:  ..... put BBQ chips on a sandwich! HAHAHAHAHA!
A:  ..... put a house on top of a bird! HAHAHAHA!!
A:  ..... put a dolphin on top of a cat! HAHAHAHA!!!
*and on and on and on for four miles*


A Lesson on Style
M:  Look Aria, new panties!  They're a new style for you...boy shorts.
A:  Why am I wearing boy panties?
M:  No honey, they're not boy panties...it's just a style name, that's all.
A:  Mommy, I love this new style!!
A:  *singing to the tune of Style by Taylor Swift* I never go out of style, I never go out of style!  These panties never go out of style! We never go out of style!


A Lesson on Space Objects
A:  Mommy! Did you see that red thing in the sky?  What was it?
M:  No honey, I didn't see it.  Where did you see it?
A:  In the sky, out the big window in the front [of the car].  Did you miss it?
M:  I guess I did.  Maybe it was an airplane.
A:  No it wasn't an airplane!  It was in the sky and then it fell down over there *points to the trees across the street*
M:  Well maybe it was a bird.
A:  Birds don't fall!
M:  Well...maybe it was aliens!
A:  Ugh!  No mom, it wasn't aliens!  It must have been a space rock!
M:  Oh, like an asteroid? *thinking to myself "she has no idea what that even is...*
A:  No, it wasn't an asteroid.  If it feel from the sky, that means it was a meteor.  Meteors fly around up in space and then fall to earth.  Sometimes they fall into the oceans.
M:  Who taught you that?
A:  I don't know.  Mommy, look at those birds!
(she tends to be like the dogs in the Disney Pixar movie UP...." ......squirrel......")
M:  *under my breath* Probably stupid Star Trek.


A Lesson on Shells (continuation from previous story, actually)
A:  Mommy, look at those birds!
M:  Yes honey, I see them.
A:  They're flying away really fast.  They must be trying to get home and out of the rain and snuggle up in their nests with their families.
M:  That's exactly what they're trying to do!
A:  Mommy, do you know what my favorite kind of shell is?
M:  *that's not a topic that usually follows birds*  No honey, I don't.
A:  A sea star!  That's a shell from the water that's shaped like a star!
M:  That's true.  But it's not really a shell.  A sea star is a creature that lives in the water...it doesn't have a shell.
A:  Oh.  Did you know that some shells sounds like the sea?
M:  I did know that, but how do you know that?
A:  When you pick up a shell and put it to your ear and listen, you can hear the waves from the ocean.  That's so cool!
M:  That is really cool, isn't it?  You know, Grandma used to have a really big shell a long time ago that you could hear the ocean in.
A:  But she doesn't anymore.
M:  No?  How do you know that?
A:  Because I've never seen it in her house before, that's how.
M:  Well maybe it's put away somewhere...we'll ask her about it next time we're over there.
A:  Mommy, guess how many cupcakes I had today?
(again........ "......squirrel.......")

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL!!

(FYI:  My next book review will be on Everything I Never Told You  by Celeste Ng and will be headed your way in the first half of March).

Best Present Ever

By now everyone has heard that, on Friday February 6th (my 30th birthday), just before noon, my husband found out he was CANCER-FREE!

He called me at work, just before noon, and the following ensued:
D:  Hey honey, I know you're not really having the greatest of days, and I know that you hate to cry at work, but I'm going to have to make you cry.
A:  Um, OK.
D:  Dr. Sadek called me.  [his hematology oncologist]
A:  Oh God. [already preparing for bad news because whenever doctors call you, it's never good]
D:  He said that after looking at the PET scan, it can be determined that there are no more cancer cells anywhere in my body.
A:  [already crying, so speaking in a whisper] That is so good....so good.....

My poor front desk coworker didn't know what was going on (and probably didn't hear me whisper about it being good), so she called mom up to check on me.  Mom comes around the corner, I'm blubbering, but giving her the 'thumbs up'...which normally for me would mean "I'm not really OK, but as far as anyone is concerned, I'm fine."  I quickly scrawl on a post-it note "no more cancer cells anywhere" and then she's crying, too.  Pretty soon almost everyone at the front desk is getting teary.

Needless to say, I was pretty unproductive for the rest of the day!!

People keep saying to me that God is working through me (because of everything I was doing to help my coworker and his family in December with their little baby while going through what Dave and I were going through) and is shining bright on me.  All I have to say to that is....well maybe....because the only thing I've really been needing from the Big Guy is to hear that we're finished with this whole cancer mess...and now I have that, and we found out on my birthday.  So thanks, Sir, for gifting us with that awesome, AWESOME, news.

Now if a girl could just get a vacation! Ha!

Have a great Monday, folks!

Fab Friday Five

It took all damn week, but Friday is finally here.  Incidentally, today is my 30th birthday.  Happy birthday to me.  You know what I want for my birthday?  A FREAKING BREAK!

Moving on...

I may have literally laughed out loud when I saw this yesterday!  I think it's a combo of the saying and the picture behind it...especially if you read it in your head with a burly sort of British accent.  Hilarious! 

If I could have a day...or two....or a week.... (maybe on an abnormally large boat that just happens to be covered in sunshine) to do absolutely nothing except read, that would be fantastic.  No responsibility.  No chores.  No parenting.  No cooking.  No schedule.  No work.  Just me and some books.  Yeah, that would be ideal right now.  Somebody, anybody, please feel free to secretly book me a cruise :)

The top image closely resembles the current state of the side of my house (except for the gutters...gosh I really need to get some stinking gutters). The bottom picture is almost exactly like how I want it to look.  For people who garden....how long (and how much money) would this take?? I mean, not the planter box under the window, just the ground stuff.  I want it.  I want it all.  Maybe I need to start now so that it's not so dang hot when I'm out trying to do something and then I get so discouraged by how hot it is.

I saw this yesterday and the very first thing I thought was "Oh, I need to send this to Jacki!!!"  So Jacki...if you're reading this....this one is for you today :)  I love that our communication generally consists of silly, often times inappropriate, pictures!  Those are the best kinds of texts to receive!  **For anybody that doesn't know...Jacki is my very very very best friend!  We've been friends since 7th grade...that's 18 years!**

I do LOVE to cook...but I HATE to come home and cook dinner after an 11 hour day (from the time I leave to the time I return is often times 11 hours, especially if I have an errand to run).  Dave was off yesterday, so I knew that I didn't have to come up with an actual meal for a change...what a treat! Aria said she wanted a cheese sandwich and bbq chips.  That was easy, but I'd really have preferred no preparation at all.  So on the way home, I said "Hey Aria....instead of a cheese sandwich, would you rather have McDonalds?"  thinking to myself...what sort of kid would pass up a happy meal??  Well, apparently mine will.  She said "no mommy, I just want to have a cheese sandwich at home."  I mean, OK, that's how you know you're winning at parenting...when your child says "no" to McDonalds...but seriously kid! I wanted a dang cheeseburger that I didn't have to do any work for at all besides open the wrapper!  So cheese sandwich at home it was....and she wanted lettuce on it, too (another pat on the back for winning at parenting).

FABULOUS!

Here are my birthday plans:

Work all damn day

Leave work early to get to the tag office before they close at 5 to renew my tag (because I procrastinated)

Pick up Aria on my way to the tag office (and subsequently find a way to handle her at the tag office)

Go to the grocery store to get all the ingredients I need for my birthday cake

Get home probably around 6 and cook dinner (skirt steak stir fry...mmm)

Tomorrow morning:  make my own birthday cake 

Tomorrow evening:  family dinner ... the only good part.



HANG ON....LIFE INTERRUPTED.....





CORRECTION:
DAVE IS CANCER FREE!!!!!!! NO MORE CANCER ANYWHERE IN HIS BODY!!!!!!

I'm no religious at all...but I feel like, in this moment, a bible quote is seriously needed!

Have a PHENOMENAL weekend y'all!!

Results Explained

Dave went for his PET scan yesterday.  He had asked the doctors last week if he was going to have to drink the barium contrast again, and they both said that he would just get some radioactive glucose injected...no drinking.  Well....they were wrong.  He had to drink three little dixie cups (WAY less than last time), but it was warm.  Dave informed me that he drank it like a champ, though!  After the scan, they gave him a CD with his scan images on it, but we haven't looked at it yet.

I had asked him to see if he could get a printout of the CT reports from both his pre-surgery CT scan and his most recent CT scan.  I figured if I had something to read and flip through, I might be able to understand it better.  And whatever I didn't understand, I knew I could ask any of the numerous medical people I work with to help explain some of the unfamiliar terminology.

Below are some passages from the reports (C1 - 1st CT scan done pre-surgery, and C2 - 2nd CT scan done post-chemo) with translations and pictures.

C1
Liver mildly enlarged, measuring 17 cm in length, with subcentimeter hypodensity lesion in the right hepatic lob too small to accurately characterize.
--translation:  The liver is mildly enlarged with a very tiny (less than a centimeter) lesion (dark mass) on the right hepatic lobe that is so small it cannot be characterized as anything.

2 enlarged hypervascular left para-aortic lymph nodes measuring 1.7x2.0 and 1.9x2.1 cm.
--translation:  2 lymph nodes on the aorta are enlarged to approximately 2 cm.

Impression (translation:  summary)

Left para-aortic nodal metastases.  No other findings of metastatic disease in the chest, abdomen, and pelvis.  Mild hepatomegaly with subcentimeter hypodensity too small to accurately characterize; however, it is favored to represent a tiny cyst.

--translation:  Cancer has metastasized (spread) to the para-aortic lymph nodes (lymph nodes around the aorta), but not anywhere else. The liver is swollen a little and the lesion on the liver is suspected to be a tiny cyst.  (Note:  The aorta is not just an artery that surrounds the heart, but it also extends down into the main body cavity....so "para-aortic lymph nodes" are not, in fact, anywhere near the heart.  Just FYI.)

para-aortic lymph node group, just under the LEFT kidney

Other interesting things noted in C1:

Small fat-containing umbilical and left inguinal hernias

--translation:  some small internal hernias, but nothing to worry about

Minimal degenerative changes of the thoracolumbar spine

--translation:  he's shrinking in stature

Mild bilateral gynecomastia

--translation:  swelling of the breast tissue (upon further research, I learned that this is common with hormonal imbalances due to testicular cancer)

And the best phrase that I'm sure he's going to love:  extratesticular enhancement

C2

Within the abdomen, there is normal appearance of the liver, gallbladder, pancreas, bilateral adrenal glands and bilateral kidneys.

--translation:  the liver and all subsequent area organs look normal (no mention of previous swollen liver or lesion)

There are enhancing and enlarged retroperitoneal lymph nodes at the level of the left kidney measuring 1.5 cm and 1.8 cm in diameter, relatively unchanged since the previous exam.  There is no new lymphadenopathy.

--translation:  2 lymph nodes in the retroperitoneal space by the left kidney are measuring 1.5 cm and 1.8 cm and are thus only a little smaller than the time of his last scan.  There are, however, no NEW enlarged lymph nodes (in the abdominal area)

Impression (translation:  summary)

Stable retroperitoneal lympadenopathy.  No new lymph node enlargement.  Mild gynecomastia.

--translation:  lymph nodes that were there before are still there, but there aren't any new nodes.  Breast tissue still swollen (further research said it would take a while for his hormones to balance out after surgery and may result in continued swelling.)

This picture depicts the entire "retroperitoneal space"....note that the aorta (in red) and para-aortic lymph nodes (nodes are green) are included

So the confusion with the results last Friday was this:

One doctor kept saying there was no mention of the aortic lymph nodes, but there was an area observed by the left kidney that was most likely calcification.  The other doctor kept talking about the retroperitoneal nodes that were less swollen than before and more testing was needed.  But nobody told us that the "para-aortic lymph nodes" and "retroperitoneal lymph nodes behind the left kidney" were the SAME lymph nodes.  Turns out...the aorta is located within the retroperitoneal space...and the lymph node group called "para-aortic" is located just under/behind the left kidney.

Definition of the retroperitoneal space

"The retroperitoneal space is bounded by the posterior parietal peritoneum anteriorly and the lumbar spine posteriorly. The retroperitoneal space contains the kidneys, adrenal glands, pancreas, nerve roots, lymph nodes, abdominal aorta, and inferior vena cava. The retroperitoneal (or lumbar) lymph nodes are the regional lymph nodes for the organs of the retroperitoneal space, and also for the testes, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and uterus (which are embryologically derived from the retroperitoneum). The retroperitoneal nodes are divided by the aorta and inferior vena cava into three groups: those lying to the left of the aorta (left para-aortic or left lumbar group), those lying between the aorta and inferior vena cava (interaortocaval or intermediate lumbar group), and those lying to the right of the inferior vena cava (right paracaval or right lumbar group)."

After having been able to read the reports myself and have the terminology explained by other medical people who AREN'T oncologists, we have learned that the two lymph nodes that were swollen to about 2 cm each before the chemo are, in fact, still swollen, but have reduced minimally in size.  We were told that, with seminomas, its possible for lymph nodes to remain swollen even after all the cancer cells have been killed.  The PET scan he had yesterday will determine if there are any more cancerous cells alive and kickin'.  The tumor board will discuss his case and decide if his lymph nodes still might have some residual seminoma cells, or if they're a teratoma, or if they are just swollen.

(Fun fact:  A teratoma is one of those tumors that is often seen on TV when they tell a person that they were a twin in utero and their body absorbed the other twin.  But that's not just what a teratoma is.  A teratoma is a tumor that is made up of all kinds of extraneous tissue cells without having to have absorbed it from a fetus.  A teratoma may be found to contain multiple types of tissue cells, including specialize organ cells, bone, hair, etc.)

Lessons learned:  always get a copy of the report.  Even though you're not a doctor, you may be able to understand the report better than if a doctor is standing in front of you and all of a sudden throwing out words like "kidney...teratoma...lymphoma..."  Those scary words aren't necessary until AFTER the reports have been looked at.  

I don't know about Dave...but I'm a little less stressed knowing what I learned today.

Hey Sunday....

Sorry this is a few days late.  See, here's the deal: I didn't really feel quite like writing on Friday.

Dave had a doctor appointment on Friday morning to review his labs and his CT scan.  His labs were all great...white cell count was high, platelet count was high.  The tumor markers weren't back yet, so we don't really know about that.

His CT scan showed (from what we could understands) that his swollen lymph nodes in his abdomen have disappeared.  They do, however, want to take a closer look at a lymph node behind his left kidney.  On his first CT scan the day before his surgery, they had mentioned a lesion on his left kidney that they thought was most likely a cyst or a calcification.  Now they are suspecting its a lymph node and they want to be 100% sure that's it not cancerous.  So Dave has a PET scan scheduled for tomorrow at noon to do a full body scan, looking at ALL of his lymph nodes.  They're going to inject him with glucose and tracers and see where, if at all, it migrates to.  Apparently cancer cells metabolize sugar at a much higher rate than normal cells...so if a lymph nodes lights up real bright, it may be cancerous.  The doctors are pretty sure it's still either a cyst or calcification, but it could also be a teratoma (a benign tumor that can, whenever it wants, turn malignant).  After his PET scan, his entire case will be brought to the tumor board over at Georgia Regents University for review.  The board will consist of several oncologists and urologists from both GRU and the VA.  We should know something by the end of the month what they decide he's got going on.

If it's just a cyst or calcification, no big deal.

If they suspect a teratoma, they'll do a biopsy to see what's really inside.

If it's benign, they'll just monitor him closely.  If the teratoma changes in size at some point in his life, then he'll have surgery to have it removed.

So for now, we are just hanging out in limbo...waiting.  We were not told that he's cancer-free, but we also weren't told that he still has cancer.

You know...when you've got uncertainty, it's nerve wracking,  but to have doctors tell you that they still don't have any answers and they also have uncertainty....well there aren't too many more things that are more awful than that.

Moving onto something a little more non-horrible.

Tips for growing peonies >> here

I seriously want to grow some peonies.  I've heard they're difficult to grow here in the south, so I'm sure I'll manage to kill them...but what if they live! They'd be beautiful!

What a great idea to keep that horrible smell out of the hallway linen closet! What makes that smell, anyway? I mean, the sheets that are put in there are fresh from the dryer...so why doesn't the closet smell like a dryer?

I desperately need some organization in the backseat! A container to put all of Arias artwork in when it comes home from school.  A container to collect all her socks in when she takes them off on the way home.  A container for her snack trash.  Just a bunch of containers!

Look at this sweet face!

I want one of these...a comfy room full of lots of cushions, a projector, and a fireplace.  Just give me a ton of fluffy blankets and I've found myself a home!

This was supposed to be a double batch of Fab Friday Five....but I hate typing on the iPad.  So 5 it is.  

Have a happy week folks...hope it's a great one!

CT scan version 2.0

Dave was SUPPOSED to have a CT scan on Monday, but he was unable to drink all of the "banana smoothie" flavored contrast...so they sent him home with more bottles and another CT appointment for today.

Here's the rundown from Monday:
1.  Drink bottle 1 at 715 and have it done within an hour.  This contrast is thick (looks like the consistency of a melted milkshake), so the first bottle of 450mL filled him up.  In fact, he got full before finishing the first bottle.
2.  Do not throw up.  Dave threw some of the first one up.  Lets be real for a minute...it looked gross and smelled like chalky banana flavored medicine (no, despite his attempting to force it on me, I did not try it).  I'm glad I wasn't there for this...he told me that he threw up on the counter.  Projectiled onto the counter.  Claimed it was only a little, but even just a little of vomit is too much vomit.  At least he cleaned up.
3.  Drink bottle 2 at 815 and have it done within an hour.  This bottle didn't happen at home.  It was not drank within an hour.
4.  Drive to the VA (with 900mL of "banana flavored" sloshing around in your tum-tum) and arrive in the imaging center by 915.  Dave stopped at Shepeard to pick me up around 900 (he wanted me there for moral support I guess).  When I got in the truck, I saw his second, unopened, bottle of contrast sitting in the cup holder.  I told him then already that they were going to make him drink it before his scan.  He thought that maybe they would say it was OK and one bottle was enough.  When we arrived in the imaging center, he checked in, sat down, and opened the second bottle to start drinking it, thinking that if he got some down, it would be better than none.  He gagged and heaved a little, but did not throw up (thank God, we were in a room full of old men who didn't need to see/hear him throw up).
5.  Get an IV placed and have the CT performed by about 1015.  Around 1015, we were still sitting in the waiting room with only about an inch or so of contrast drank from his bottle.  By this time it was warm and he said he just flat out couldn't drink any more.  Gross, I don't blame him.  I continued to tell him that they were either going to send him home because he couldn't drink all of it or they were going to make him sit there all day until it was gone before performing the scan.  We knew that most of those men sitting in that room had already endured this same contrast drink...and if those octogenarians can do it, so can he!

Around 1045, Dave noticed that everybody that had come in after him had already been seen, so he went to check at the counter.  They admitted they had forgotten about him and would be seen soon.  I'm not surprised there...the "behind the counter" staff in the imaging center seemed a little lacking...like lacking some intelligence in their job.  Anywho...around 11, they finally called Dave back.  After hearing that he had not drank all of his contrast, the tech informed him that for what they're looking for (looking at his entire chest and abdomen for mets, including his colon) he really needs to have those two full bottle of contrast in otherwise the scan may come back inconclusive because they won't be able to fully see what they need to.  So the options are:
A:  Take one more bottle home (plus the 3/4 of the other bottle he had not yet finished) and come back on Wednesday
B:  Come back in a week to do in-patient contrast and spend 4 hours of your day sitting in the VA.

In different words, the tech basically told Dave to man up and drink the contrast...everybody else has to do it and gets it done.  So Dave picked option A and was fired up with more determination to get it done on Wednesday.


later that day..... (Monday....we're still on Monday here folks)
I noticed Sophie sniffing around a hand towel that was, for some reason, balled into a ball on the bathroom floor sort of behind the toilet.  Not a normal site...we might be cluttered and messy, but we don't leave things like towels balled up somewhere.  When I picked it up, it was soaking wet.  I thought to myself "why is this towel SOO wet?"  My first thought was the cats.  Fifi gets mad about her litter box sometimes (I've been neglectful...sue me) and will pee all over things she's not supposed to.  Her favorite places are towels or clothes left on the floor in a bathroom.  So, naturally, I smelled the towel to see if it smelled like cat piss.  It didn't (thank God)! Baffled, I tossed the towel in the bathtub until Dave got home and I could ask him about the towel.

When Dave got home, he said "Oh, you moved the towel from the corner".  I said "yeah, it was soaking wet, what was up with that?"  ..... "that was the towel I used to clean up the throw up".

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  What kind of man-animal balls up his wet throw-up towel and throws it on the floor behind the toilet?!  WTF?

So today, Dave is at home drinking more contrast and will hopefully get that CT scan.

I left him a not on our chalkboard that said "put on your big boy panties and DRINK" ... I'm sure that will motivate the crap out of him!

(And of course it took me too long to type this, so Dave just called...contrast = gone, CT = done.  Now we wait until the 30th to hear the results.)

Not Today

If it weren't over, today would have been a chemo day.  Dave would probably be on his way down to the VA right now to get his labs drawn and start his saline drip while waiting to hear if his counts were high enough to commence with the infusion.  He'd go home around 230, then take to the couch with his Star Trek and wait for me to come home and cook something for dinner that didn't make his stomach churn.

BUT NOT TODAY!

Today Dave got up around 530 and went to work doing the dedicated account for which he was hired, rather than odd loads here and there.  He'll get off somewhere around dinner time, come home, we'll eat dinner together at the table, play with Aria, send her off to bed, and then catch up on a show or two before heading to bed ourselves.  An entirely normal day.

Dave's hoping that maybe this week he'll start to feel more like himself, in the physical and energy sense that is.  In talking to a friend of his who's been through chemo, it'll be a long time before he truly starts to feel like himself.  But he's hoping to start getting some of the energy back.  It should come back to him slowly as the chemicals leave his body, but traces can remain 6 months to a year, so we've been told.

The next step is waiting for the CT scan.  They sent him home with two bottles of "Banana Smoothie" flavored contrast to drink over the course of two hours.  They told him, however, not to get too excited about the flavor as it does not really taste like a banana smoothie.  Big shocker there!  I'm thinking as positive as I can about that upcoming scan...I'm choosing to believe that it will show the lymph nodes have drastically reduced in size and there is no further action required besides monitoring.  Dave, on the other hand, is having a harder time thinking positively.  He had a dream last week where the results of the scan showed his insides lit up like a Christmas tree.  So you see, I'm thinking positive while Dave is taking the doomsday approach.  Either way, we'll find out at the end of the month what his results truly are.

And now a story...

I put Aria in the bath tub on Saturday night and then went to "handle some business"...because it's a rare opportunity I get to be able to use the restroom without a child barging in the door and sitting on the floor right in front of me while I "handle things".  Typically I use bath time to do the litter box or to switch laundry, so I'm right across the hall from Aria's bathroom.  Anyway....while I was busy, I heard some splashing.  No big deal, Aria splashes in the tub all the time.  I come in, ask her why there is a little water on the floor, and she shows me how her squirty toys like to squirt water...almost always in the direction of the bathroom floor.  So when I get back to her bathroom 5-7 minutes later, imagine my shock when I catch her with her pink bucket in hand, full of water, mid-throw across the room.  I yelled "ARIA!" before looking down at the floor.... oh my.  The bathroom floor was covered with water!  So much water, in fact, that it was already spilling over onto the carpet in the hallway.  There was at least a full inch of water on that floor!  I called downstairs for Dave to come help.  He said "is everything OK?"  In return, I said "No, Aria flooded the bathroom" and up the stairs he flew to see for himself.  Turns out...it had rained outside, but didn't make any puddles (my child LOVES a puddle).  Because there weren't any puddles outside in which to jump, Aria thought it was a good idea to make a puddle in the house instead.  While Dave and I were cleaning up the mess (so...much...water), she got upset that we were cleaning it up before she had a chance to jump in it.  That little stinker!!  After much chatting, Aria learned that she is never again to make a puddle in the house...that puddles are for outside only.  If she'd like a puddle outside and there is none, she can use the hose (with help from Dave or I) to make her own puddle.

When I asked her yesterday about her puddle, she got all smiley and said "mommy, that puddle wasn't for you".  Yes dear....I know that...mommy knows better than to make puddles in the bathroom!

** A few previous posts have mentioned my friend's baby fighting for her life in the hospital.  I'm sad to say that she just couldn't fight anymore and became an angel on Saturday night.  I ask that you please pray for strength and comfort for the Parrish family over the next few days. **

Tremendous Friday Ten

So I owe y'all a "double issue" because I was too lazy to post a Fab Friday Five last week.  So here it is...the big one.

BUT FIRST....an update :)
Dave appears to be feeling pretty well.  He's been eating a lot of soup and turkey sandwiches.  Tonight for dinner he had two little Red Baron cheese pizzas.  I don't think he's drinking enough fluids....but it's not really for me to judge.  We went to the VA today so he could get his shot of Neulasta.  He has labs scheduled in a couple weeks, a CT scan on the 12th, and a doctor appointment on the 30th.  We're hoping for good news!

Another side note....that sick little baby I mentioned recently isn't doing so well.  Please continue to pray for her!

OK...onto the goods!

(picture not my own)

Look at this cute little sloth! How cute is he?!

Skinny Eggnog Pie w/ Gingersnap Crust (recipe >> here)

I was thinking of making this as a "healthier" dessert option...but apparently not everybody likes eggnog.  Some people have never even tasted eggnog!  That baffles me!  My favorite part about winter is the eggnog :)  I might still make it anyway...we'll see.  It's a no-back dessert, so it won't take too much time or too much effort.  Lord knows that's right up my alley!

(image not my own)

I find this to be beautiful!  Find what you're great at and then share it with the world!  Don't be selfish and keep it all for yourself...  Imagine how dull the world would be if everyone saved their greatness and didn't spread it around for all to see?  Pretty boring to me!

(image not my own)

Look at this little piglet.  He's in a hammock!

(image not my own)

This little guy needs to comment!

Right?!!!  The best desserts of the year are at Christmas time!

(image not my own)

Look at this place.  Supposedly it's Nubble Lighthouse in York Beach, Maine.  I've always wanted to go to Maine...now I have something specific to see!

(image not my own)

This is 100% true!  You can have the most beautiful face, best body, most money in the entire world.  But if you're not beautiful deep down where it counts, you're just as ugly as a big ol' turd lying in the yard, collecting flies.  Be a good person.  All the time.  No excuses.

Eggnog Sugar Cookies (recipe >> here)

Seriously, I love eggnog.  Did I mention that yet?  Anyway...look at these little beauties?!  Don't they look scrumptious?  MMM I want to make these real bad!

(image not my own)

With the new year fast approaching, a lot of people are thinking of a New Year's resolution they will most likely abandon by February (March if they're lucky).  Will it be to lose weight?  To exercise more?  To be nicer?  To go to church  more often?  How about pick one of the above...or all of them for that matter.  A little more generalized than typical...but they're also smaller tasks.  Try a new food.  Take a risk.  These things are all pretty easy.  Give it a try!  I'll do it, too!  Come on...it'll be fun!

I'm taking next week off from the blog.  Next week is family time...not computer time!

Merry Christmas, y'all!  Happy Hanukkah! 

LAST DAY!

It seems as though it took a lifetime to get here, but then also feels like it arrived ahead of schedule.  This is it.  Today is Dave's LAST DAY of chemo!  We don't know what the coming days/weeks/months/years have in store for his health...but we know that today is the last day of chemo.  16 treatments.  16 agonizing days (for both him and me...I....me...whatever).  We apparently have differing view of how this week went.  I thought it was going terrible.  I've been as quiet as I can...not speaking to him unless spoken to for fear of The Crank (that's what I've decided to call him just now!  I'm sure he'll love it)!  But in talking to him this morning, from his point of view (which is really the one that matters), this week has been going quite different from others.  He says he's been feeling better this time than the previous times.  If that's how he feels, then I'm all for it!

So, with this being the end (of this particular leg of his overall battle), this is what we've learned:

- Chemo sucks.  We don't recommend it, to anybody.  He has said that being in Iraq was not as bad as this.

- Riding in the car makes the nausea worse (go figure).

- You have to preemptively treat the symptoms, not chase them.  So take the nausea medicine BEFORE you're nauseous.

- Get some Biotene (an oral rinse) and use it OFTEN.  It helps with the burning of the mouth and it helps with the metallic taste.

- Get some peppermints and some hard Jolly Ranchers...they help with the metallic taste.

- If you eat to try to cover up the metallic taste, make sure you force yourself to go to the bathroom...or start taking some Miralax to help with the soon-to-come bloating and constipation.

- DRINK YOUR FLUIDS!  If water makes the metallic taste worse, mix it with some Gatorade.  Buy LOTS of Gatorade if mixing.

- Make sure you eat, even if you're not feeling up to it.  And don't eat junk...eat something with everything in it that you need for nutrition.

- Take a daily vitamin.  Your immune system will turn to crap because all your white blood cells are dying, so take a vitamin every day.

- No dairy, nothing acidic, nothing with a high presence of metallic minerals (like fish).

- If you're feeling like you really want to eat something, but you're worried how it might affect your tummy, go ahead and eat it anyway.  Your tummy will actually be fine.

- Get plenty of rest...but make sure that you're moving a little, too.  The more you move, the better.

- When you're offered a port...even if the idea of it freaks you out...get the port anyway.  Otherwise, by the end of it all, your veins will be shot and they'll have to find horrible places to stick you (like your hands) or will need to stick you more than once in a day.

- Even though it's HARD...try to stay positive.  Trying to think positively about the whole thing seems to make it just a little bit better than if you stay in bed and wallow in your own self pity.

- Know that with chemo comes mood swings.  They will be rough...but you'll get through them.

- Make sure you apologize to your caregiver for being such an ass when you didn't mean to be.

- If you're a caregiver...do the best you can to not offer your input on the patient's mood.  It doesn't help.  It doesn't even come close to helping.

- You will have a hard time regulating your temperature.  You may feel hot, then cold, then be sweating again.  This is OK.  Just open the window, turn the fan on, and keep some blankets near you.

- When you're feeling up to it, get outside for a little fresh air.  It WILL make you feel better.

- If you're a caregiver, make sure you read the labels on the medication bottles, even if you think you you've got them memorized.  Sometimes you don't know them as well as you should and you'll end up giving an Ambien instead of a Phenegran (possibly more than once....maybe even more than twice).

- When you have labs drawn in the middle of your rest period, they may not be indicative of what your labs will be come the day of treatment.  They may be better, they may be worse.  There's nothing you can do to predict it.

- You're stronger than you think...but you may also be weaker than you think.  You can think all day long that you're going to handle every day like a champ.  You can plan to go to work on some days after treatment if you're feeling up to it.  You can think that you'll sail right through this.  Only to realize that you CAN'T go to to work the day of treatment because you feel like crap and you want to go to bed.  You may not sail right through it.  And that's perfectly fine.

The last 3 months have been more of an ordeal than an adventure.  An ordeal I'd prefer to NEVER have to go through again.  And I know that Dave would absolutely say the exact same thing.

Good riddance, chemo!

Quickie!

No, not that kind of "quickie"...don't be so gross!

I'm sorry I forgot to do a "Fab Friday Five".  If you're lucky, you'll get a "Tremendous Friday Ten".  Don't hold your breath, though!

Dave's labs were low last week, but they came up enough this week to proceed with what will hopefully be his last week of chemo.  Our fingers are crossed that we're done this whole nightmare after this round! 

Have a great week, y'all!

Beautiful Soul

If this is lengthy, I apologize in advance.

Dave's labs yesterday weren't so great.  His WBC count was 4.1 and his platelet count was 136, which are both very low. His ANC, however, was over 2200, so he's still on schedule for treatment next week as long as his Monday labs are ok.

I'm at home with Aria today.  When we got to school and she was about to jump out of the car, she threw up....little corn niblets all over the ground and in my car. So we cleaned up and went right back home. She's thrown up twice since being home and is looking generally pitiful...and now she's developed a small fever. Super fun day.

Now to the "meat and potatoes"......

I had the pleasure yesterday of visiting with my coworker and family as they stay with their little baby who had heart surgery last week. They have an incredible strength and a wonderful spirit.  And that beautiful little baby! She's just a precious little bundle and has a hell of a fight ahead of her...and as soon as she pulls through, she'll be just perfect! Anyway, when I got to daycare to pick up Aria, this is the conversation that ensued (as soon as we got home I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget any of it) : 

M- I went and saw a sick little baby at the hospital today.

A- what made that baby sick?

M- that baby had a hole in her heart that needed to be fixed.

A- hear heart?

M- Yes. You know how you play doctor and you listen for heart beats? That's the heart.

A- But what does the heart do?

M- The heart is what pumps your blood all over your body...to your arms and legs.

A- and to your fingers and toes?

M- yes dear, that's right.

A- well what's wrong with her heart?

M- she had a hole in her heart that wasn't allowing the blood to get to everywhere it needed.

A- but where's the blood going?

M- it's just staying in her heart. She has a hole in the middle of her heart so the right blood isn't going to the right places.

A- so it's not getting to her arms and legs?

M- that's right.

A- but how did that baby get a hole in her heart?

M- when she was in Her mommy's tummy, her heart just didn't want to grow right, and so it forgot to grow that part and it became a hole.

A- but why?

M- well nobody really knows why, honey.

A- so what made the hole?

M- I just told you...it grew that way.

A- but what happened to her that put a hole in her heart?

M- well nothing happened to her heart that put a hole there, it just gre that way.

A- yeah, or maybe that baby fell down and that made a hole.

M- sure honey, maybe that's exactly what happened. (Sarcasm is lost on this one)

A- well how is that baby going to get better? 

**cue waterworks**

M- she's connected to a lot of machines that are helping her heal.

A- what's 'heal'?

M- to heal means to get better.  Like when you have an owie and we put a bandaid on it and then when the bandaid comes off your owie is done and you can't see your owie anymore.  That's because it healed.

A- does that baby hands an owie?

M- yes ma'am, she sure does.

A- well what makes that baby heal?

M- the machines that are helping, plenty of rest, and blood.

A- blood?

M- yes.  You know how mommy and daddy give blood? Well a lot of other people in our city give blood, too, and people who are sick sometimes need that blood to get better. (Aria has seen Dave give blood many times and we've explained to her how it saves lives and blood donors are like superheroes.)

A- Mommy, did you save that baby's life today?

**Cue MORE waterworks**

M- well no honey, mommy's blood isn't the same kind the baby needed.

A- kind?

M- yes.  Everybody has a different kind of blood, and the blood kinds have to match in order to save a life.

A- I know what kind my blood is...it's red!

M- well honey, everybody's blood is red.

A- what kind of blood do you have, mommy?

M- I have O negative blood.

A- what kind of blood does daddy have?

M- daddy has B positive blood.

A- what kind of blood do I have?

M- I think I remember that you have B negative blood.

A- just like daddy!

M- sort of.  You have s mis of mommy's and daddy's blood.

A- well what kind does papa have?

M- papa has O positive.

A- oh his is dark red!

M- well honey, everybody's blood is dark red.  It's not the color that makes everyone's blood different, it's very itty bitty, teeny tiny things in our blood that make it different.

A- like germs. That's why we have to wash our hands so much.  Sometimes germs are big, sometimes they're really small.  And sometimes they're green!

M- That's right, honey, but we don't have germs in our blood.  I don't really know how to explain it, but it's not germs.

A- ok. What else makes that little baby get better?

M- a lot of people thinking very happy thoughts about that little girl will help her feel better.

A- do we think about her?

M- yes dear, we sure do!

A- when I'm bigger, can I go see her at the hospital?

M- well hopefully she'll be better by the time you're bigger and she'll be at home.

A- well can I go visit her after she's home?

M- sure honey.

**then.....at bedtime.....**

A- do you know what I'm thinking about, mommy?

M- what honey?

A- daddy (because he was still at work) and that sick little baby.

**I left the room with tears streaming and a huge smile**

That was our entire conversation the whole way home from school.

But look at that....she's only three and knows what it means to care about somebody else who needs to be cared for.  I think that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'm not really one for astrology, but I know that Aria is a Pisces.  Pisces are known for being compassionate, emotional, and selfless.  That's ringing true with her and I just love it.  I hope she always exhibits those characteristics! She's got such a beautiful little soul and I hope it never changes!!

Fab Friday Five

Scratch that... Fab Friday four!

It's been quite the week.  I feel like I've been super busy and have had very little time to just....be.  Dave is feeling better this week.  He went back to work yesterday instead of his normal Wednesday.  He felt that he really just needed another day...and that is A-O-K.  He came to playdate with me on Wednesday and had a blast...he ate well and got to converse with other adults.  I was reluctant to pick him up simply because stopping at my house before going to playdate is NOT on the way...but I'm glad I did and I'm glad he enjoyed himself.  Last night he noticed that the etoposide rash is already back.  We still don't know what to do for relief for him.

Aria has been a special breed of awful this week.  When my parents dropped her off on Sunday evening, they told me how great she was all weekend for them.  As soon as they left, she transformed into the toddler from hell.  The hell has continued all week long.  All in the same day, she hit one of her little friends at school, lied to me about said hitting, and then blatantly disobeyed me and scratched in the dirt after I had just told her not to.  She lost her iPad for two days for that little stunt. The very next day at playdate, she did not eat her dinner, then screamed and whined about how hungry she was as we were getting ready to leave.  She kept touching the ornaments on the tree and, when told not to touch, she responded with "But I wasn't touching, I was just looking."  So again, another lie. Afterwards, when asking why she was being so bad, she simply replied with "I'm tired!!"  So Dave put a set of new rules in place explaining to her that "If you're too tired to behave, then you must need to go to bed earlier."

Ordinarily we come home from school, she gets on her iPad, she eats dinner (maybe), she watches more iPad, then its up to bed around 8/830....with stalling techniques that last until 930/10 some days.  The new rules:  On school days, no iPad. Period.  We will come home from school, go right upstairs and get a bath and some jam jams, then we'll come back downstairs....have dinner, do some artsy fartsy craft things, then up to bed at 7.  She may have her iPad on the weekends, but that's it.

There's only one problem with these rules...it obligates me to do artsy fartsy craft time with my toddler EVERY night.  Awesome.  Don't get me wrong, I like to do these things with Aria.  But on a Saturday....not at 5:00 on a Tuesday after I've worked all day and I'm exhausted.  It also forced me to go to Hobby Lobby and spend an unnecessary amount of money on craft supplies.  I did need more paint, though....so the trip was not wasted :)

Onto the fun stuff!

(Aria uses tools to help fix cars with Papa...while wearing dresses)

So there's this blog that I follow called Mother Blogger (read it >> here).  She was inactive for quite a while, but she's super funny and quite...real.  I can't stand reading blogs written by happy-go-lucky people who only write down the niceties and skip over all the real, nitty-gritty details of life.  Everything isn't all flowers and rainbows and sunshine....sometimes the rainbows are dark and grey and with a big ol' pile of poop at the end rather than a pot of gold.  THAT'S real life.  Anyway...her latest entry is about gender stereotypes and how they start so young.  I completely agree with her post.  There is NO reason why a boy can't play with dolls and why a girl can't play with tools and a dump truck.  Aria has Hot Wheels, toy airplanes, tools (complete with tool belt and safety goggles), a dump truck, a tractor, and Caterpillar (CAT) yellow construction vehicle toys (an excavator, a bull dozer, and something else).  She also plays with Doc McStuffins, baby dolls, play jewelry, and she likes to wear skirts.  Boys can do exactly that same thing.  They can play with pink doctor kits and pretend kitchen sets and color with the purple crayon all they want.  To teach your child to follow their respective gender stereotype is to further the problem.  Maybe some men beat their wives and children because as kids they weren't exposed to stuffed animals that needed to be loved on.  Maybe some men come home from work expecting dinner to be on the table because they never got the opportunity to pretend to cook a meal for their mommy.  Even Dave tends to make comments about how he wants to have a boy to go camping and fishing and play catch with....I have to remind him that Aria can do all of those things.  He knows she can, and is more than excited to do all those things...but the comment still comes out now and then.  My child wears dresses and skirts and then proceeds to put her tool belt on, fill it with tools, and set off to find something to "fix".  She's secure in her role as a human being...and I hope she stays that way.

(The Professional Chef, 9th edition,  The Culinary Institute of America >> buy at Amazon)

Because we're too lazy to shop for each other, Dave and I ordered our own Christmas presents.  Dave spent a certain amount of money on all of his stuff and I was supposed to spend just as much (really, he told me to spend more because he'd never be able to give me enough to make up for these last few months....RIGHT!!) Anyway.  As I'm SUPER interested in really learning how to cook, my Christmas present to myself is a culinary textbook from the Culinary Institute of America.  It's going to teach me so many things...how to properly use my knives...how to properly saute...how to make a pan sauce...how to do EVERYTHING.  It's 1,000 pages of awesome!  I'm super excited about it! I'm always looking at recipes and I get nervous to try them because they involve a technique I have no idea how to do, or too many steps and I feel overwhelmed.  And I certainly can't afford to quit my job and go to culinary school...so I'm going to teach myself the best that I can.  For my birthday, I'm planning on getting the updated version of the baking textbook (also by CIA).  

2015 is going to be a GREAT cooking year!

(Dark Places - Gillian Flynn >> buy at Amazon)

So I read (well, listened via Audible) this book Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.  Now it's a movie...and the entire story just continues to blow me away!  It was so...thrilling!  So I went to my trusty Amazon and looked for what else Gillian Flynn wrote and proceeded to add both her other books (Sharp Objects  //  Dark Places) to my "want to read" list.  I just recently finished listening to Sharp Objects.  That book felt like it dragged on, but I was pleasantly surprised at the end to find out who had done the killing of the two little girls in the small Missouri town.  I'm currently reading Dark Places (and I'm less than 100 pages from the end) and I'm still unsure as to who did it!  The story is about a girl who, at a very tender age of 8 or so, tells the courts that her brother murdered her entire family at 2:05 AM on the night of January 3, 1985.  The girl, all grown up now, is a little nutty...she's a bit of a recluse and has very little money to call her own.  A group of people obsessed with murders finds her and convinces her to REALLY look at that case from so many years ago...and they'll pay her for her investigations.  The story is told by 3 narrators:  Libby (the girl, now all grown up), Patty (the mother) and Ben (Libby's murderous brother).  Libby's story is told in the present, Patty and Ben's story is told in the past.  In the story, I'm currently up to midnight on January 3rd.  I can't wait to finish the book and find out ... who really did the killing of the 'Day' family?  It's my "work" book, so I only read it at work during lunch time (those who know me know that I'm regularly reading 3-5 books at a time) and boy do I look forward to lunch every day and I dread when it ends every day.  Check out these books....seriously, read them...they're pretty great!  Though, I'm not going to lie, Gone Girl is the best of the three.

(I'm currently reading Dark Places at work at lunchtime; I'm listening to Little Women whenever I'm in the car because it's a good Christmas story and I just love the Winona Ryder version of the movie; I'm re-reading the Fifty Shades trilogy so I can be refreshed for the movie in February; and lastly I'm reading the 2nd Harry Potter book during Aria's bath time because I've never read the HP series.)

(not my own image)

This elf that I have to remember to move every night is going to be the bane of my existence.  Although....she comes in pretty handy when Aria is being naughty and I can remind her "Aria...don't forget that Twinkle is watching and is going to tell Santa everything you did today."  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  And what man at the Elf factory decided that this little guy's hands ought to be sewn together.  That's just stupid.  I gotta remember to cut that damn thread so that I can put her in some better places.  Today she's hanging on the blinds...like she got caught sneaking back in the house.  Aria said "That silly elf!"

That's it folks. It's late, I just took a sinus pill that's making me VERY sleepy, and I'm officially an old fuddy duddy who is in bed by 10 on a Friday night. Judge me all you want, I don't care!