Fab Friday Five

OK, I'm not going to lie....I forgot Friday was coming (that's how horrible this week has been), so I was hanging out on Pinterest last night for....oh....I don't know...several hours :)

Here's some of the goodies I found!

Hot chocolate truffle balls (recipe >> here)

Apparently you take just 4 ingredients (or 3, if you don't want the added sugar), melt and stir, then put in fridge for a few hours until it's a scoopable ganache (not a runny ganache....that definitely won't work).  Then you scoop out a few tablespoons, roll into balls, put in the fridge for another few hours.  Once cool and hardened, you can wrap them in plastic wrap and put them in the freezer until ready for use.  Just drop an unwrapped truffle ball into warm milk, let it dissolve and mix, and enjoy! Mmm....I sure do love hot chocolate weather!

Aww...best friends!

Oh Tardar Sauce....you get me.

I'm seriously looking forward to the holidays this year!  They just can't come soon enough.  A time when all the hell of the last two months can dissipate and love, giving, and family can flourish.  Thanksgiving will be hard, no doubt, as it'll be a treatment week (assuming his white counts act right after this cycle), but it'll be great having the family around the table to come together for a good meal and good conversation.  And I'm excited to get in the kitchen and cook my mac and cheese (this may be the first year I use a recipe I've previously used...maybe) and my twice baked potato casserole...mmm! As far as Christmas...we'll be doing the whole thing (Christmas eve and Christmas day) at our house this year.  And Dave's family is coming up, so it'll really be a special time.  I believe Christmas eve is also the last night of Hannakuh (channakuh?) so I think Dave's parents are planning on doing something special for Aria in regards to that. We won't be able to give extravagant  gifts this year as these last few months have been real hard on us financially, but as everyone always says..."it's the thought that counts".  Christmas will also *hopefully* mark the end of treatment.  I'm just ready for it.  I'd take my tree down out of the attic and put it up this weekend if I could!  

I'm feeling festive! 

Lets get serious for a minute.  How can anybody go through life being so angry and cynical all the time?  That's no way to live!  You'll surely lead a miserable life if you can't figure out a way to smile and laugh with your friends and loved ones.  Family and friends is what keeps me grounded.  There is NO better time than having family dinner and maybe game night and your face hurts by the time you leave from smiling and laughing so much.  That's what makes for an awesome life.  If you're going through something that's beyond your control, don't be angry.  What is being angry going to solve?  Is being angry actually making you feel better?  Is being angry to those around you helping those people help you to feel better?  No.  It's not.  There's no need to be so angry all the time.  Ask yourself : why am I so angry?  If you can't come up with a reasonable answer, then figure out a way to deal with whatever it is you've got going on.  

Spend time with family and friends.  

Laugh as often as you can.  

Find a way to inject happiness into everything you do and everything you go through.  

You'll have a more fulfilling life....I guarantee it!

Have a happy Friday, y'all!

Struggles

The struggle was real today. So real.

Monday was a pretty good day for Dave. He had a good meal, felt a little nauseous, but overall alright. 

Tuesday was also a good day.  He ate well and didn't have to take any nausea medicine. He did come right home that afternoon and took a nap, though.

Wednesday, like the last cycle, was not such a good day.  He was in bed when I got home from work and just wanted me to come and snuggle. As y'all remember, I'm not the empathy type. But I did my duty and I snuggled for a bit. Thank god my sweet friend Michelle came by with some dinner (mmm fajitas for me with spicy salsa...yum....and soup for Dave) and it was time to go downstairs and eat. Unfortunately something about the soup was unappealing to Dave (because his appetite is like a pregnant lady) so I put it in the freezer for another time.  He had a bowl of matzo ball soup instead. He went to bed early and again wanted me to snuggle. I spent my evening downstairs sewing up the holes in some of Aria's animals.  It was lovely to have some free time all to myself. It's also lovely that my mom is watching Aria until Saturday...such a blessing!

Today was less than stellar. Dave had a very hard time getting out of bed and I don't think he got up until 8. I drove him and he was nauseous most of the way. When I went to pick him up, he looked beat. He told me that his nurse gave him anti-nausea medicine in his IV today along with all the rest of his stuff. He told me he wanted a sub from Baldinos for dinner and he wanted to take a bath later.  Today his skin is reddish in color (from the etoposide) and the metallic tastes is back in his mouth with a vengeance. He had a bath with some chamomile tea bags to make it a little more relaxing (I wasn't about to share any of my LUSH items with him!) and he relaxed in there for a bit before deciding he was ready for bed. (FYI: I got the holiday catalog from LUSH yesterday....I want it ALL!!)

Tomorrow he gets a shot of Neulasta to promote white blood cell growth. We really have no idea what to expect from that except a few days of pain.  But least treatment for the week is over, so that's a plus.

Now let's get down to the nitty gritty.

As a caregiver, you've got to find that fine line between being supporting and being firm.  This is especially hard for me.  I unfortunately jump right to firm. You've got to find a way to be "honey, what can I do for you?" for most of the time and "push through it and get out of that bed!" for the other part of the time. That second part will earn you some anger, but you, as the caregiver, have to keep pushing through that. When your loved one wants to wallow in their own self pity, you're the only one with the ability to pull them out of that funk.  Hard as it may be, you've just got to keep pushing!

And to the loved one.s..you're right. Your caregiver DOES NOT understand at all what you're going through.  But guess what? She's here to support you and take care of you anyway! Getting angry won't help. Snapping at your caregiver won't help.  We are doing the best we can to help you. While its a physical and mental struggle for you, it's a mental and emotional struggle for us. You've got to cut us some slack, too.  We don't HAVE to do everything that we're doing.  But we love you, so we stay and take care do you. We take your anger and frustration.  We take your neediness and short-temper. We sit through your "pity party" time and again because that's just what we do. 

Days when there is tension makes the whole damn day worse. 

The patient has his struggle. But the caregiver has to not only bear the burden of your struggle, but our struggle, too. Take it easy on us.  And when everything is all done....a trip to the spa would be appreciated!

Glad today is over and tomorrow's Friday. I'm so ready for Friday.

Back on Track

OK y'all....Halloween was definitely fun!  Aria had a blast in her little American Dream costume.  She had some difficulties with her tights ("mommy, my pants keep falling off!"), and she did get scared a few times to where she wouldn't walk up to a door on her own anymore...but she definitely had a good time!  And of course, Sophie....Sophie was the cutest hot dog there's ever been in the history of hot dogs!  She, too, came out of her shell and walked very nicely among all the other people.  Though, I'm sure it probably helped that everybody smelled like they had food!

I dressed up for the first time in....oh...at least 10 years.  I was a cat (I know, super cliche).  I had cat ears and spent forever in front of the mirror putting on makeup to look like a cat...cat eyes included...only to realize at the last minute that I didn't have cat ears.  I had a whole dang mask.  Ugh.  What a waste of time!  Dave was Uncle Si, complete with bluish plastic cup full of tea.  

We had a bonfire in the driveway.  I know I'm southern and my idea of appropriate temperature is a little skewed, but it was 50°, super windy, and downright frigid outside once the sun went down!  Although....nothing a little wine and smores can't fix :)  We had super awesome Mexican food (rice and CHIMICHANGAS!) courtesy of my surrogate southern grandparents Myrna and Gerald....and the best cilantro ranch he's EVER made.  Mmm cilantro.  Side note....Aria has this book called "Dragons Love Tacos" and it has a page with ingredients on it that dragons like to have on their tacos:  lettuce, cheese, tomatoes.  Aria looked at me last night and said "Mommy, do know what else those dragons would like on their tacos?"  I said "I don't know honey, what do you think they would like?" to which she replied "lots and lots of cilantro!"  I just love her....

A good time was had by all.

Dave got to wear his hat that my super awesome friend Becky made for him.  See, it was cold!

(shhh...it's not just sweet tea in that cup!)

As you may remember, Dave's treatment last week got pushed back because his WBC count was too low.  He was nervous yesterday as he really wasn't sure where his counts were going to be...and he really didn't want them to push treatment back another week. 

Well lucky for him, his counts were up and treatment could commence!  Although...I guess "lucky for him" sounds sort of odd when talking about chemo treatments, but it's fitting.  He's lucky that his counts came up all on their own.  He's lucky that he can move on with his treatment schedule and not have to add yet another week onto it.

He posted this picture to Facebook yesterday:

"Bring on the chemo bitches!!!" was his caption. 

Yesterday was a little worse than the Monday of his first cycle, but still quite similar.  He was tired, felt nauseous, and only wanted to eat a little.  Though I will say that he did eat more yesterday than the previous Monday.  He went to bed early and got some good sleep.  This morning he appeared to be feeling alright.  He drove himself to treatment (and took Aria to school for me) and said he wanted  to have some leftover matzo ball soup for dinner. (YES! No cooking for me!)

Aria is struggling.  She definitely is having a hard time with me giving attention to Dave instead of her.  When we tried to talk about it with her yesterday, she told us that she was acting that way because she was just upset.  She said she's upset because daddy is sick and "I just love you".  She would not tell us whether or not she was afraid of something happening to him.  She told us that she is sad, not angry.  Then everything after that was "I just want to go bed."  So at least we got a little information out of her.  Tomorrow she starts staying at my parent's house for the remainder of the week....and I know that'll be better for her.  She just doesn't understand.

Hoping this week will be predictable and will run as smooth as it can!

Happy Tuesday!

(PS:  I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday and seriously contemplated spending all of my money on their home decor and art supplies....and I didn't even get the chance to look at the holiday decorations!  The struggle is real with Hobby Lobby, folks!)