The struggle was real today. So real.

Monday was a pretty good day for Dave. He had a good meal, felt a little nauseous, but overall alright. 

Tuesday was also a good day.  He ate well and didn't have to take any nausea medicine. He did come right home that afternoon and took a nap, though.

Wednesday, like the last cycle, was not such a good day.  He was in bed when I got home from work and just wanted me to come and snuggle. As y'all remember, I'm not the empathy type. But I did my duty and I snuggled for a bit. Thank god my sweet friend Michelle came by with some dinner (mmm fajitas for me with spicy salsa...yum....and soup for Dave) and it was time to go downstairs and eat. Unfortunately something about the soup was unappealing to Dave (because his appetite is like a pregnant lady) so I put it in the freezer for another time.  He had a bowl of matzo ball soup instead. He went to bed early and again wanted me to snuggle. I spent my evening downstairs sewing up the holes in some of Aria's animals.  It was lovely to have some free time all to myself. It's also lovely that my mom is watching Aria until Saturday...such a blessing!

Today was less than stellar. Dave had a very hard time getting out of bed and I don't think he got up until 8. I drove him and he was nauseous most of the way. When I went to pick him up, he looked beat. He told me that his nurse gave him anti-nausea medicine in his IV today along with all the rest of his stuff. He told me he wanted a sub from Baldinos for dinner and he wanted to take a bath later.  Today his skin is reddish in color (from the etoposide) and the metallic tastes is back in his mouth with a vengeance. He had a bath with some chamomile tea bags to make it a little more relaxing (I wasn't about to share any of my LUSH items with him!) and he relaxed in there for a bit before deciding he was ready for bed. (FYI: I got the holiday catalog from LUSH yesterday....I want it ALL!!)

Tomorrow he gets a shot of Neulasta to promote white blood cell growth. We really have no idea what to expect from that except a few days of pain.  But least treatment for the week is over, so that's a plus.

Now let's get down to the nitty gritty.

As a caregiver, you've got to find that fine line between being supporting and being firm.  This is especially hard for me.  I unfortunately jump right to firm. You've got to find a way to be "honey, what can I do for you?" for most of the time and "push through it and get out of that bed!" for the other part of the time. That second part will earn you some anger, but you, as the caregiver, have to keep pushing through that. When your loved one wants to wallow in their own self pity, you're the only one with the ability to pull them out of that funk.  Hard as it may be, you've just got to keep pushing!

And to the loved one.s..you're right. Your caregiver DOES NOT understand at all what you're going through.  But guess what? She's here to support you and take care of you anyway! Getting angry won't help. Snapping at your caregiver won't help.  We are doing the best we can to help you. While its a physical and mental struggle for you, it's a mental and emotional struggle for us. You've got to cut us some slack, too.  We don't HAVE to do everything that we're doing.  But we love you, so we stay and take care do you. We take your anger and frustration.  We take your neediness and short-temper. We sit through your "pity party" time and again because that's just what we do. 

Days when there is tension makes the whole damn day worse. 

The patient has his struggle. But the caregiver has to not only bear the burden of your struggle, but our struggle, too. Take it easy on us.  And when everything is all done....a trip to the spa would be appreciated!

Glad today is over and tomorrow's Friday. I'm so ready for Friday.

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