60 Things To Know Before You Go to Disney World

HEY HEY!  Long time no see!

I've literally been working on this entry for months.  MONTHS!

Remember that entry I wrote a while back about all the things we could do for the same price as going to Disney?

(It's right here for your reading pleasure) 

 I'm pretty sure Dave owes me :)

1.  Don't ever go to Disney in June.  Way too hot and too many people.
2.  Get a seated spot for the fireworks at MK EARLY and don't give it up.  You'll see the electric light parade (which is cute and I'm sure would be quite awkward if high on anything), then you'll turn to face the castle for Celebrate the Magic...an artistic display done entirely on the castle....really neat.  And then the fireworks over the castle.  Fireworks just aren't the same after seeing them at Disney World.
3.  You can bring your own food and beverages into the parks.  It's $3-4 per bottle of water (or 1 snack on the dining plan) on Disney property...start your day off with as many bottles as possible.  Refill them at all the parks but MK, that water is nasty.
4.  Save the most exciting, MK, for last if you want to avoid hearing your child pitch a fit that there aren't enough rides at the other parks.  I might add, we learned this lesson the hard way.
5.  When going on Mission:Space at Epcot, go for gold and do the orange mission.  You won't regret it.  Even kids can handle it.  If you get claustrophobic, however, skip this one.
6.  The Frozen ride is nice, but not worth the wait (can be upwards of 5 hours).  Maybe you'll get lucky like we did and get in line right after it opens from being temporarily closed.  PS:  This one closes a lot.
7.  USE YOUR FAST PASSES!! And once you've used your 3 for the day, sign up for more (one at a time).  PS:  You can't sign up for more until you've used your third, so plan all 3 of your initial fast passes for the morning.
8.  DINOSAUR is cool, but can definitely be scary for little kids.  It's not a MUST SEE, so don't feel bad if you've got to skip it.
9.  Soarin' at Epcot is hands-down the neatest thing ever!  Make time for this one, for sure!
10.  Expedition Everest in AK was my second favorite roller coaster.  If you sit in the VERY front, there's a part where you feel like you're not going to stop and you can see clear across the property to Hollywood Studios!  We got off this ride and Aria wanted to immediately get back in line...so we did.  PS:  Pay attention to the monitors at the end of the line...you just might see your name!

"Act like a yeti!"

11.  You don't get that wet on Splash Mountain no matter where you sit...I'm pretty sure we were dry in less than 10 minutes.  Without a fast pass, its an incredibly long and hot wait...almost the entire line is outside.  This was one of Aria's favorites...I don't know how many times we went on this one.

Splash Mountain....a family fave :)

12.  If you've got kids, skip The Great Movie Ride at HS.  They won't know most of the movies and will get scared when your car is taken over and then later an alien pops out of the ceiling.  To be honest, as an adult, it was pretty lame...I didn't know most of the movies, either.
13.  Haunted Mansion at MK was cute, but not so cute if you can't convince your kid that the ghosts are pretend and not scary.  And how DID that ghost at the end know we were from Georgia?!
14.  It's A Small World....yeah, you really can't skip that one...it's a classic.  Everybody hates it, but goes on it anyway.  You just have to.
15.  The Jungle Cruise at MK is a bit outdated and looks like some of the animatronic animals need to be redone.  The "cruise director" was funny though.
16.  Kali River Rapids at AK is REALLY short and the soaking that you get is entirely random.  It's about being in the right/wrong seat at the right/wrong time.
17.  Absolutely do the Kilimanjaro Safari at AK.  They were far away and laying down, but I got to see a real live cheetah!  Plus you can see rhinos wallowing in the mud and hippos swimming.  Don't let the rain discourage you if it's raining...the animals are just as active during the rain.
18.  It may sound odd, but Living with the Land in Epcot was actually really nice and even Aria enjoyed it.  It's a good way to cool off on a hot day as the whole thing is inside.  The "boat" takes you through the invention of agriculture, and then you get to see the Epcot greenhouse and hear about all the food they grow and the research they do.  It's really neat and is a good 10-15 break from the heat!
19.  The Magic Carpets of Aladdin were my favorite spinny ride (like Dumbo)...they moved up and down faster than the rest and were a bit more roomy (2 adults could fit in one) than the other spinny rides.
20.  Definitely make time for the Monsters Inc Laugh Floor!  It's improv comedy and is actually really funny.  You can even submit a joke via text to be used in the show...and Aria's joke was picked!
21.  Peter Pan's Flight at MK is really neat and might actually be worth the wait.  Some lady here was complaining about how many Fast Pass riders they let through vs. how many regular riders they let through...and then she got out of line.  Idiot.

The ONLY character she wanted to meet

22.  Pirates of the Caribbean at MK...I gotta say, I wasn't impressed.  The statues looked really old.  I know they redid this ride after the Johnny Depp movies came out, but the statues still looked old and worn down.  I would have liked to see a few more Captain Jack Sparrow statues.
23.  If you've got kids that just meet the height requirements for almost all of the other rides, avoid the DinoLand area of Animal Kingdom all together.  The roller coaster in there has a requirement of 48", and it looks WAY less dangerous than any of the other coasters....and your child will pitch the most epic fit imaginable when they tell her that she's not tall enough (in a very rude manner, I might add...probably the rudest cast members we encountered the whole time).  Plus, all the cool games in here you have to pay extra for, too.  Just skip it.
24.  Flame Tree BBQ that everyone talks so much about at AK...it's not that great.  The dessert is good, but the BBQ isn't anything to write home about.  And it's tough to get to the seating areas if you have a stroller.  Oh, and there's no lids for the drinks, so you have to walk a good 50 feet (or more) over rocky terrain with a million people around you carrying a tray with full drinks and no lids.
25.  Rock N' Roller Coaster at HS was by far my favorite ride!  It's so dark you have no idea when you're going upside down, unless you're paying attention to the signs that tell you what's going on.  It's dark, it's fast, it's loud (with music), it's wonderful!  Dave's hat actually flew off on take-off and surprisingly landed in the car just behind us.  He now calls it his lucky hat.  PS:  The cast member here was really nice and gave us 5 additional fast passes (paper passes) because Aria was too small to ride.
26.  The Seas with Nemo and Friends at Epcot is an aquarium adventure that's pretty nice as it drops you at the end of an aquarium that you can walk through and see all kinds of things from fish to coral to turtles and sharks.  They've got smaller tanks where you can see really neat things like frogfish and sea horses.  There's also a little playground where you can get your picture taken in Bruce the Shark's mouth.

27.  Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (yes, it's actually spelled 'Dwarfs') at MK was tons of fun and definitely worth the wait...but it's a HOT wait as the majority of the line is outside.  Aria loved this one, too!

That smile was present on EVERY roller coaster!

28.  There's not many places to sit at DisneyWorld....they are definitely anti-bench.  So if you're looking for a rest for your feet, find a show or something to sit down at as benches are few and far between.
29.  Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was probably Aria's favorite ride.  We rode in the front, the back, the middle, and probably everywhere else on that ride.  Every day, she asked "Can we go back and ride Thunder Mountain and Splash Mountain?" (That's when we knew the park hoppers were worth the additional cost).
30.  We skipped Space Mountain because you sit by yourself, so nobody would be able to ride with Aria, and she was not having that.
31.  We did Spaceship Earth....mostly because it was on the way out, there was no line, and Aria said "what's in there?"  It's definitely old, but it's informative and kind of cool.
32.  If you're even a little bit of a fan of Star Wars, you've got to do Star Wars: The Adventures Continue.  You get to see C3PO and R2D2 while waiting in line and there's all kinds of Starwars stuff all over the place.  It's a 4D ride, but the 3D part was done so well that it didn't give me a headache like most stuff does.  It has a BUNCH of different stories, so theoretically each time you ride it should be different.  It was a lot of fun, but it was WAY too short.  And the StarWars store you walk through on your way out is WAY too small and too crowded and I got REALLY anxious in there!
33.  Stitch's Great Escape kind of sucked.  It was neat that he burped and the air started to stink, but the harness that comes over your shoulders kept hopping up and down and there's no padding on it, so I ended up with bruised shoulders.
34.  TestTrack at Epcot is SOOOOO not worth the wait!  That was the longest, slowest-moving line of all.  You only get 2 minutes for your party to create one vehicle, the ride part itself is very jostling.  The only really awesome part is when your "car" goes on the speed track outside the building for the speed test...you go REALLY fast....but then it comes to a quick complete stop, thereby slamming your knees into the cart.  I got off the ride in tears, it was so embarrassing, and I had bruises on my knees for days after that.  PS:  You can actually go into the ride from the back side and each person in your party can create a vehicle to be used on the ride...but then you still have to stand in that long ass line to actually experience the ride.
35.  TomorrowLand Speedway at MK was a huge let down.  First of all, the line is ridiculous.  And it's not even a real go-kart track!  Your car is meant to follow a rail...like a slot car.  And the steering is so awful that you'll spend the whole time bouncing back and forth from one side to the other.  I hated it and could have definitely not wasted my time on it.  Aria, on the other hand, had a blast.
36.  ToyStory Mania is a cute little arcade game style ride at Hollywood Studios.  Aria struggled with it, but she was able to make a few shots.  She had a good time on that ride.  It's fun for adults, too.
37.  Tower of Terror...oh my god.  Worst experience ever!! I felt OK going into it...I've been on similar rides that take you the top of a tall pole and then drop you.  But this was a whole different level.  There was NOTHING to hold on to and only a small lapbelt holding you in place!!  That can't POSSIBLY be safe!  I was sitting on the end of the row, so I found a spot for my hand to curl under my seat, but then I had my other arm wrapped under Aria's leg so I could hold on to her, too.  I had to apologize for squeezing her leg too tight.  Then it goes pitch black, and drops you...but I feel like it's more than a drop...I feel like it was an accelerated drop, like a push.  We went way too fast.  Then it raises you back up and does it again, over and over and over.  One time, it opens the doors at the top so you can see all of HS and then drops you with the doors still open.  Aria and I couldn't get off this ride fast enough.  This ride could burn to the ground and I'd be fine.

Oh man...that look of terror on my face AND Aria's face!

38.  The Enchanted Tiki Room at MK is stupid, but is a nice place to sit down and cool off for a minute.
39.  Country Bear Jamboree:  see above.
40.  Festival of the Lion King was really really good!  And 5 kids from each section get to participate, and Aria got chosen!  She was hesitant at first, but was glad she did it.
41.  Finding Nemo the Musical was also great!  Definitely do this if you or your child is a fan!
42.  Skip For the First Time in Forever: a Frozen Singalong...they don't do all the songs, they don't do the WHOLE songs, and you only get to see the characters briefly.
43.  The Indiana Jones Stunt Show is an OUTSIDE event, FYI...but it's really neat.  I'd say definitely a must-see.
44.  Do the Magic Hours on a night that you haven't already been in the park since 730 AM...you'll be MORE than exhausted!
45.  You can pretty much do ANYTHING you want while on Disney property.  The cast members are trained not to be confrontational and won't argue with you.  So if the security guard at night tells you that you can't bring the stroller over to the bus stations, and you say "the lady at the stroller depot said I could", they'll look at you and say "OK, have a nice night!"
46.  All the little girls are called "princess" by every cast member, at every park.  It's adorable!
47.  Don't waste your money on the princess breakfast in Norway in lieu of Cinderella's Castle.  It's SOOOOOOO not worth the price.  You get a small buffet with some cheese and pastries on it, one plate of sausage, eggs, and potato casserole brought to the table to share, and you have to ask the servers when the princesses will be walking around because you've been sitting there for half an hour and there's not a princess in sight...only to be told "they're taking their breakfast break."  If you're going to spend the money on it, go for gold and do Cinderella's castle.
48.  The Disney Jr. Play and Dine lunch at Hollywood Studios is worth the price,  You'll get to meet Doc McStuffins, Jake, Sofia, and Handy Manny.  And the food is really good and definitely worth the price.
49.  As far as quick service meals go, our best one in the parks, in my opinion, was at Pinnochio Village Haus in MK.  It had something different from your standard burgers/chicken/sandwiches.  The portions were large, the chocolate cake was good, and it's a place where your kid can get the pizza she's been asking about for days.  I definitely recommend this one.
50.  Speaking of food, if you're staying at Art of Animation, don't waste your time on the steak sandwich...it's nasty.  Do, however, get the create-your-own pasta or create-your-own salad.  Most bang for your buck!  And the chocolate tart is spectacular (if you like dark chocolate, that is).
51.  A smoked turkey leg from the snack cart in MK will count as a "meal", but its big enough for several people to eat off of as a snack between meals.  PS:  It's GOOD and tastes like smoked pork!

Tearin' up that turkey leg!

52.  If your child doesn't seem really excited about meeting the characters, don't waste your time on this.  She waved to a few from afar, but really only wanted to stand in line to meet Pluto.  She was excited about the princesses at breakfast and the Disney Jr. friends at lunch, but she didn't beg to meet anybody else.  I do wish we would have been able to meet Tiana...that's her favorite princess.
53.  When making your hotel reservations call the hotel and see if they can tell you which number bus stop their resort is usually at.  Because it's a huge beat down to have to walk to the FARTHEST bus stop at every park to get on your bus.  You're already extremely hot and worn out, your feet are already 2 days passed done, and you still have to walk another half-mile to your bus stop.  Oh, and there's no benches there, either!!
54.  When at Disney Springs and you've got a hankering for a burger, go to D-Luxe Burger.  If you've got the dining plan, it's actually a quick-service restaurant.  The burger is huge and phenomenal!  The fries are less than desirable, but you've had a huge burger and don't need tons of fries anyway.
55.  When planning your fast passes, try to get them close by.  It sucks having to walk all over the park, back and forth, to get to your fastpasses in time.
56.  If for some horrible reason you do have to go DisneyWorld in the middle of the effing summer, don't feel so bad about smelling funky...there are literally 2 trillion people there at that exact moment who smell just as funky as you.  Everybody's got swampass going on and everybody stinks.  It's not just you :)
57.  Even though you're almost certain that your child is too old or too big for a stroller, go ahead and get one.  Because at least that's one less thing for the kid to whine about.
58.  There's no need to buy more than one souvenir per person (for the whole trip, not just per day).  Don't spend $1,000 on souvenirs.  Just don't.
59.  If your child doesn't like being in pictures, don't expect Disney to be any different.

Most of our pictures of Aria turned out like this

60.  You WILL need a vacation after a week-long trip to Disney.  Just go ahead and schedule it.

BONUS TIP:  Once you have your trip narrowed down to at least what year you will be heading to Disney in, go ahead and purchase THIS BOOK RIGHT HERE!  It has literally EVERYTHING you need to know about the entire Disney World property and lots of tips and tricks all throughout it.  This book seriously became my Disney bible and I strongly recommend it to anybody planning a vacay to this hell-hole! Thanks again to my mother-in-law for suggesting the book!

We'll go back again one day.  We will probably skip Hollywood Studios and go to one of the water parks instead.

Of course, our Disney trip would have occurred in May had I not landed myself in the hospital THE DAY BEFORE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE.  I know I said I didn't want to go to Disney...but I didn't want to go in the hospital, either.  Thanks to that, I'm only 31 and have already had my first colonoscopy. Yay for me!

And for good measure...this is my FAVORITE picture of mom on a roller coaster :)  

She doesn't like roller coasters...obviously!

Convos With My Kid

My child has been a particular brand of awful lately.

When people ask me how she is, I generally say that she's being an asshole.  Really, I tell people that if I used the "c" word, I'd call her that....because that's really what she's acting like.

She's throwing fits over the dumbest thing..and I mean fits...hitting, kicking, screaming, crying fits.

She acts as though she literally can't hear me when I (or anybody else for that matter) speaks to her.

She is deliberately not listening and doing the exact opposite of everything I say.

She refuses to do anything for herself, including getting her self dressed, getting herself covered, finding a stuffed animal, or going back downstairs to get Giraffe off the couch.

She's up my ass every second of the day...."but momma, I want to be with you!"

She doesn't know about our surprise trip to Disney and she sure as HELL doesn't deserve it because she's acting like a little shit.

She's killing me.

That being said....

A Lesson on Stand Mixers and Cake Batter
A:  Mommy, I want to turn on the mixer [to mix the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients].
M:  Not this time, baby.  We don't want it turned on too high to start with.
A:  Because it'll make a mess?
M:  That's right.
A:  Mommy, mixers and chocolate batter are like mud bogs...they just make a big mess and get chocolate all over the place like mud!
M:  Yep, they are kind of like mud bogs!
A:  No mommy...not mud bogs.....mud volcanoes!  Underwater mud volcanoes! They come up from the earth's crust and explode underwater and get mud everywhere.
M: Oh. I thought you said 'mud bog'.
A:  No.


A Lesson on Career Choices
A:  Mommy, what can I be when I grow up?
M:  Well baby, if you work at it hard enough, you can be anything you want to be.
A:  But what should I be?
M:  You like animals and you like to learn about them, maybe you could be a biologist or a zoologist or a veterinarian.
A:  What's a bologist and zologist (she couldn't pronounce it)?
M:  A biologist studies all different kinds of living things, such as animals and plants and cells and a zoologist studies just animals.
A:  Oh! Is there a college for that?
M:  Yes baby, there sure is.
A:  What else can I do?
M:  Well, you could be a researcher.
A:  What do they do?
M:  They spend their entire career learning about things.  Such as spending time outside with monkeys to learn about monkeys.  They watch them and study their habits so that they can better understand them.
A:  I know what I'll be!  I'll be an animal watcher!  I'll sit out in the woods or the jungle and watch animals all day long and learn about them!
M:  So you want to be a researcher?
A:  No, an animal watcher.  Is there a college for THAT?
M:  I'm sure you'll find one, dear...


Several Lessons on What Mommy Doesn't Know
A:  Mommy, did you know that termites eat grass?
M:  No baby, they eat wood.
A:  No mommy, they eat grass.
M:  Um, no, they eat wood.
A:  Not the ones on the African savanna.  They eat grass.
M:  No they don't! All termites eat wood! Let's look it up!
(Mom googled it because we were at her house)
....."Some termites located on the African savanna eat grass..."
A:  See!
M:  Shit.

A:  Mommy, did you know that sharks are endangered?
M:  Yes I did.  Some people catch sharks just for their fins and a shark can't live without fins.
A:  Did you know that eagles are endangered?
M:  Yes, I think I knew that.  But I don't know if they still are...
A:  Yes mommy, they are.  Did you know that Tasmanian tigers are extinct just like dinosaurs?
M:  No, I didn't know there was such a thing.  Did you know that the black rhinocerus was the most recent animal to be officially declared as extinct?
A:  Nope.  What other extinct and endangered animals do you know?
M:  Um....I know about the dodo bird and dinosaurs and the black rhino...
A:  Do you need to look some up so we can talk about them later?
M:  Yes...

A:  Mommy, did you know that there's a snake in the dessert called a diamondback rattlesnake?  It uses it's tail to make noise like a rattle when it's scared.
M:  Yes, I did know that.  Did you know we have a rattlesnake here in Georgia, too?
A:  NO! What's it called and what does it do?
M:  It's called a timber rattlesnake and it does the same thing...shakes it's tale when it is scared.
A:  Show me a picture on your phone!
A:  Shoe me some more pictures of snakes!
A:  Oh, that one is venomous! (yes, she said 'venomous' and not 'poisonous')
M:  It is!  How did you know that?
A:  The shape of it's pupil (yes, she said 'pupil' and not just 'eye').  If it's straight up and down, it's venomous.  If it's a good circle, it's not.
M:  Wow.  That's right.
A:  Show me some more, I'll tell you if they're poisonous!
M:  Here's one....
A:  Venomous!  What kind is it?
M:  A viper.
A:  Show me some more!  Show me a green snake!
...I showed her a green tree boa because it was the only green snake I could think of...
A:  Show me another green snake!
M:  I don't think I know any more green snakes....
A:  That's OK...you can look some up and show me tomorrow.
M:  Gee thanks.

Thank you, Wild Kratts, for teaching my kid that she's smarter than me.


A Lesson on Whale Anatomy
A:  Mommy, did you know that whales don't poop?
M:  Really?  No, I didn't know that.
A:  Yeah, they can't, because they don't have a butt.
M:  Oh, ok.
A:  They don't have giannas (her version of vagina) or penises, either.
M:  Um, are you sure about that honey?  Most every animal has one or the other.
A:  No mommy, not whales.
M:  Well, how do you know?
A:  Because you can't see them.
M:  Well how do boy whales and girl whales make babies if they don't have them?
A:  Fine mom...maybe they have them...but they're hidden very well!

Have a good weekend, folks and I'll check back with y'all later!

Convos With My Kid

The Sunday before picture day, Aria and I went to Target to pick out a cute outfit.  She was extra excited because we were shopping in the "big girl" department.  She spent most of the time trying to piss me off by moving around the racks where I couldn't see her, but she helped pick out her outfit.

The outfit chosen was a teal skirt with some darker hearts on it (she picked the skirt), a lavender camisole (she picked the color), and dark grey crop shirt to go over the whole thing.  I showed her, SEVERAL times how the outfit would be constructed .... she repeatedly told me how much she loved it and how cute it was.

Fast forward two days to the morning of picture day, 6:20 AM.

On a typical day, I get her up at 6:20, we're downstairs by 6:30, we leave by 6:40/45.  I have to be at work by 7:30

M:  Aria honey, it's time to get up....today's picture day!
A: ....
M:  Aria....come on honey, it's time to wake up.  We have to get you ready for picture day!
A:  *squirm*
M:  Come on now Aria, it's time to get up, we've got to get moving.  *pull the blanket off*
A:  *squirm and stretch, snuggle up with Giraffe, reach for blanket*
M:  Aria.  I'm not kidding, it's time to get up.  *mildly yanks blanket off*
A:  Ugh!  Mom, no.  *reaches for blanket and pulls over head*
M:  Alright Aria, I'm done.  Time to get up! *pulls Giraffe off bed, yanks blanket down past her feet*
A:  Mom!  I'm cold!  I'm still sleepy!!
M:  Too bad Aria...we get up at this time every morning, it's time to get up.
A: Uh, I don't wanna!
M:  Too bad!  Today's picture day.  You have to get up, get dressed in your pretty picture day outfit, and mommy has to do something with your hair.
A:  Fine.  (6:30 AM)
M:  *jam jams off, puts socks on, puts skirt on, puts purple camisole on*....*puts grey crop shirt on*
A:  Mom! I don't like it!  I don't wanna wear it! *tries to take crop shirt off*
M:  Aria!  What are you doing?  Knock it off, this is what you're wearing today.
A:  NO!  It's not cute and I don't like it! *still trying to take shirt off*
M:  Aria Lucy! Stop that right now!  You're wearing this shirt today! And it's extremely cute...you helped pick it out!
A:  NO!  I don't like it!  Grandma said it's OK to just wear tank tops to school!  I don't have to wear it and I'm not going to!  *finally gets crop shirt off*
M:  ARIA! KNOCK IT OFF!  You're wearing this shirt today!  I don't care what Grandma says about wearing tank tops to school, today you're wearing a shirt over it!  I showed you over and over at Target how this was going to look, and you said it was cute!
A:  It's NOT!  I don't like it!  It's GREY!  Grey is a boy color and I DON'T LIKE BOY COLORS!!
M:  Oh my God, Aria!  This is ridiculous! You knew what color the shirt was on Sunday when we bought it!  You said it was cute!  Besides, you have plenty of other grey shirts! *tries to cram shirt back over her head* (6:40 AM) 
A:  NO!  They're different!  I don't like it!  *blocks the shirt*
M:  DAMMIT ARIA, YOU'RE WEARING THIS SHIRT! *crams back over head*
A:  NO!! I DON'T WANNA!
M:  Aria!  Come on now.  You just have to wear it until the pictures, then you can take it off.
A:  *sobbing now*  TEACHER WON'T LET US TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF!!
M:  Oh my goodness, Aria.  You're wearing this shirt.  Mommy's very mad right now...and late...and you're being a real pain in the rear.  Now put on this shirt!
A:  FINE! *succeeds in getting shirt back on*
M:  Thank you. (SWEET VICTORY!)  Now turn around so we can do your hair. Do you want it in a bun or a pony or half up/half down...it's for picture day, so it has to look nice.
A:  Hmph.  I don't care.
M:  Aria...don't be like that.  How do you want your hair?
A:  I'm mad, so I don't care.
M:  FINE!  A pony it is! HOLD STILL!
A:  *squirm squirm squirm* ..... *manages lopsided pony*
M:  You wouldn't hold still, so it's crooked...too bad, we're late! (6:50 AM)

That little brat walked downstairs "hmph"ing the whole way.

M:  Aria, what do you want to have for snack on the way to school?  Hurry up and think fast, we're late.
A:  A bagel.
M:  No.  I told you we were late...you get muffins!
A:  FINE!
M:  Do you want apple juice?
A:  Yes.
M:  Let's take a picture real quick for Grandma...she always likes to see how cute you are on picture day.
A:  Well I'm not cute today, so no.
M:  Come on Aria...Grandma is going to want to see your cute outfit!
A:  It's not cute, but fine.  She can only see the back, though...because it's not cute and I'm mad!
M:  Fine...I'll take it.  We're late anyway.

I pulled out of the driveway that day at 7:00 AM.  We didn't talk much on the way to school.  She didn't race me to the door like she usually does.  She gave me a hug and kiss goodbye, but wasn't her typical self.  I left out of there convinced one of several things would be true for the rest of the day:

1.  By the time I went to pick her up, there'd be no grey shirt.

2.  When I got her pictures back, there'd be no grey shirt.

3.  When I got her pictures back, there'd be a grey shirt, but she'd look pissed.

I was 22 minutes late for work that day. 

When I went to pick her up...she was in a good mood...had her grey shirt still on...and the preview of her pictures had her grey shirt AND a smile.  We took the grey shirt off at home...and she made sure to inform me.... "mommy, the only person who said I looked cute was the picture lady, and she tells everybody they look cute."

Brat.

I'm pretty sure she poked out her belly on purpose...

This is not "giraffe" from the story above

There it is...that sassy smile.

And just for fun....this is a picture Aria brought home from school one day that she was super proud of.

"This is a police truck.  The two in the front are cops, and there's one in the back because he's going to jail."

... we watch a lot of COPS in our house :)

Convos With My Kid

My child has been extra inquisitive lately, which, of course, isn't really different from any other day. 

 Pair that with her normal loquacious self...and you get a 4 year old little girl going on 25 (also knowN as MY CHILD).

A Lesson on Growing Up
A:  Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to have to move.  I'm not going to live in this house anymore because I'll be a grown up.  But I'm still going to live in this neighborhood, OK?  Maybe I'll even be one of your neighbors!
M:  Well that's nice honey, I'd love for you to be one of my neighbors.
A:  But you know...I have to find an empty spot first.  I have to find an empty spot to live on and then build a house on it.  So I might not be able to live in this neighborhood and be your neighbor.  But I'll be able to live in Matt and Graham's neighborhood.  So whenever you come visit me, you can visit Matt and Graham, too!
M:  Well OK...that would be nice, too!

A Lesson on Likes and Dislikes
A:  What are we having for dinner?
M:  Spaghetti and meatballs.
A:  Well mommy, I'm not going to eat that.  I don't like spaghetti and meatballs.
M:  OK dear...
A:  I'll just have plain noodles with no sauce, some meatballs with no sauce, and some melty cheese on top.  Lots and lots of melty cheese!!
M:  So you want spaghetti and meatballs but with no sauce?
A:  Yes!  I LOVE spaghetti and meatballs!

Lessons on Learning that Mommy IS NOT as Smart as She Thought She Was
A:  Mommy, why is the sun pink today?  I thought the sun was way up in space and was always yellow....why is it pink?
** Cue me trying to explain to my four year old the concepts of space.  Followed by my child asking "Mommy, what if I want to be an astronaut when I grow up...how do I become an astronaut?"

A:  Mommy, why did all of that water and steam come flying out of that can after they boiled it?
** Cue me trying to explain to my four year old the few concepts of thermodynamics that I (vaguely) remember Mr. Manly teaching me in high school.

A:  Mommy, why do the flowers fall off the tree?
** Cue me to trying to explain to my four year old about plant science and also about flower-presses which she now, of course, wants one of her very own to press and save her own flowers and leaves.

I'm supposed to look these up later and get back to her....

Mommy, why do wasps sting?

Mommy, why is today NOT a weekend?  Who said Wednesday's can't be weekends?

If you're thinking about having children (or are already preparing for the impending doom looming in the next 1-9 months), you better brush up on your smarts...you're going to need them!!

Aria the Baker

I've FINALLY gotten my cast iron skillet cleaned out and have used it twice.  Wanna know what I made?  Of course you do.  I'll give you a hint...I made the same thing (with slight variations)...twice.  You guessed it:  the only thing I've made in my skillet so far has been a big ol' awesomely delicious cookie!

My first attempt was less than satisfactory in my opinion.  I love to bake cookies...and, not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I make a DAMN GOOD cookie!  But I'm not gonna lie, that first skillet cookie really pissed me off!  Maybe it's my fault for not knowing enough about the cooking ability of cast iron, but I can't possibly put all the blame on me, that's silly.  I blame the person who wrote the recipe.  Here's the link to the recipe I used >>  The horrible first attempt recipe.  In my opinion, this person doesn't know how to bake.  The ingredients and the methods were appropriate for regular cookies, but not one big giant cookie.  Also, that crackpot needs an oven thermometer.  You bake cookies at 350°, not 375°...so her oven obviously cooks 25° cooler than it should.  If you're going to put your recipes out there for all to see, invest in an oven thermometer so that you know that your recipe will work for everyone.  So anyway, baked for 19 minutes at 375°, the outside was overcooked and the middle was still raw (because the method was incorrect).  I got mad, threw a bit of a tantrum, and skulked off the kitchen where Dave said "how long before we can eat it?"  I told him we weren't eating it and I was going to throw it out as soon as it cooled off enough.  Instead we put it back in the oven for another 10 dang minutes.  The outside was, in my [professional baker] opinion, burnt and the middle was just finally done.  I was still mad about it.  I do NOT serve cookies that overly browned.

So we ate over the course of several days (because, well, it's a cookie and you can't not eat it) and I rinsed out my pan to try again, armed with a new recipe and a new understanding for cast iron.  Key thing about cast iron:  it's SO hot when it comes out of the oven and stays so hot for so long that things continue to cook even after they've been taken out and placed on top of a cooling rack to cool.

I tell you...second time's the charm!  The new recipe had more reasonable sounding ingredients (like MELTED butter instead of softened butter), had the right temp of 350°, and mentioned to "undercook the heck out of it" at 15-20 minutes.  That right there told me that at 20 minutes, the cookie would be underdone (it's a big help to know what sort of outcome you can expect when cooking anything).

Really, I should say that Aria made this cookie...because she totally did!  I put the ingredients into the bowl and she mixed it (and snacked)....but only until we added the flour, then she said it was too hard to mix.  She was so excited about it that she couldn't even keep it a secret from Dave when she told him dinner was ready...and every time the timer went off, she said "Mom!  That's our cookie!"

So without further ado....Aria's cookie :)

[The Best] Skillet Chocolate Chip Cookie, courtesy of Cookies and Cups

Ingredients ("t" is teaspoon, not tablespoon)
3/4 c. butter, melted
1 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. white sugar
2 t. vanilla (or more if you love it)
1 egg + 1 yolk
3/4 t. baking soda
1 t. kosher salt or coarse sea salt (NOT regular table salt; don't ever use regular salt in cookies)
2 c. flour, aerated (aerating your flour is important folks...just give it a good whisk right in the container before scooping)
As much chocolate chips/chunks as you want...whole bag if you choose

1.  Preheat that oven to 350° (or whatever your oven needs to be set to actually register 350 on a thermometer)
2.  In a large bowl, mix together the sugars and the butter with a wooden spoon (no need for a mixer here folks) until there are no lumps
3.  Add vanilla and eggs and mix until well incorporated
4.  Add baking soda, salt, and flour and mix until well blended and there are no spots of raw flour left
5.  Fold in chocolate chips (I used chunks and it was phenomenal), save some out to put on top
6.  Spread evenly into well-greased skillet and top with remaining chips (if any)
7.  Bake for 20 minutes
8.  Remove from oven and place pan on top of open cooling rack to cool for AT LEAST 10 minutes
***After 10 minutes, I was not satisfied with the doneness of mine and put it back in the oven (even though I had already turned it off, it was still warm) for another 7 minutes.
9.  The cookie should appear just slightly loose, but not jiggly in the middle and will have crisp golden outer edges
10.  Serve warm with a tall glass of cold milk...YUM!

She loves to help mommy bake! She even remembered to hold the bowl half the time and didn't get batter all over the place for once!

The cookie (with an entire bag of dark chocolate chunks, minus what Aria ate) prior to baking

After baking (and yes, partially eaten)

Oh man....it's so good!!

If you've got a cast iron skillet and you like cookies, then make this thing, like, yesterday!  The inside is still just slightly underdone (you can cook it longer if you don't like gooey cookies) and it's absolutely delicious and should be eaten with a fork because it's so damn good.  Put some vanilla ice cream on it and chow down y'all!

(Now you're dying for a chocolate chip cookie aren't you?  You're welcome!!)

Fab Friday Five - PARENTING

Before I was a mom, I had very certain ideas about parenting.  I KNEW it would be hard, but not so bad.  I KNEW that, with the proper motivation (and discipline), a child would behave as they should.  I KNEW that if you presented your child with healthy (and tasty) food options regularly, they'd be more apt to choose those over their fattening counterparts.  I KNEW that a child that took naps was a happy child.

What I didn't know was that only one of those items up there was something that I really did know for sure.  

The rest.....the rest are bull shit.

Here's the bottom line about parenting....it's hard and it sucks...and the rewards, though you think might be grandiose, are small and sometimes few and far between.

So as I've been noticing my own self struggling with parenting lately (because, let's face it, so far four years old is the hardest yet), I went to my good ol' friend Pinterest for some help...you can find everything on Pinterest :)  

Children are a product of their environment...that all starts with their parents.  Dave and I came from families who had two different approaches to parenting.  But it's not always about how you parent....it's about how you treat each other when you're in front of your child.  If you were brought up in a house that gives lots of hugs, you're probably going to give your spouse and your child lots of hugs.  If you were raised by a family that gives lots of praise to help build you up, then you'll probably shower praise on your spouse and your child.  But if you were raised in a house of shouting and disrespect for one another, then that's all you know, and you're going to bring that to your own house...and that's not good.  Don't shout at your spouse in front of your children...handle that shit behind closed doors when the kid isn't around.  First, it shows them that it's OK to scream at grown ups..."If mommy can scream at daddy, then so can I."  Second, it teaches them that whenever conflict arises, the best way to solve it is to be defensive.  I know the last thing I want to teach my child is to always be on the defensive.  That's no way to go through life.  The big take away is this:  If you were raised in a crappy way, then you're going to raise your child in that same crappy way, and then your child will raise their own kids that crappy way when they become parents.  But if you break the cycle...then you're children will end up being better parents (and probably better adults).

 

As a person who has practically ZERO self-esteem, it's extra important to me that my child doesn't feel that way.  I need her to grow up with the most amazing sense of self worth.  It's hard going through life feeling terrible about yourself (no matter what the cause, be it your own inner self or something you've been taught).  Part of teacher her self-esteem is to strive to never tear her down; she needs to know that I'm ALWAYS proud of her....that she's a GOOD kid who occasionally (more than occasionally lately) exhibits BAD behavior.  But she's not a BAD kid; she's never been a BAD kid.  Teaching your child that she's BAD will stay with her forever...and she'll always feel that she's inadequate.  Build up your children, folks.  Don't stand over them screaming at them telling them how bad they are (when the only BAD behavior they're exhibiting is not listening).  Intimidating them is no way to earn their respect.  Plus, it teaches them to always be inferior and submissive.  Do you want your child growing up that way?  I didn't think so.  Check out this article (here) on how to get away from telling your kid that they're BAD.  Don't ever tell your child they're dumb or stupid.  Don't ever call your child a dummy or an idiot.  Don't ever belittle their ideas and make them feel small.  

 

You did ballet, so you want your kid to do ballet.  You love to wear dresses and bows, so you want your little girl to wear dresses and bows.  You like to fish, so you want your son to fish.  You think pink is for girls, so your son can't touch anything that has pink on it.  Guess what folks?  Your kid IS NOT YOU.  I'm totally guilty of this...I loved doing ballet, so I encouraged my child to do dance (totally not her thing, by the way).  I love to paint and do artsy fartsy things, so I encourage her to do the same.  Even Dave does it...he did martial arts as a kid and keeps bringing it up that she should try it.  But here's the thing people...our children are their own selves.  If all you do is teach them to love what you love, then they'll grow up waiting for others to tell them what to do do, how to feel, how to live.  But if you expose your child to EVERYTHING, give them every opportunity to be their own person, then they'll thrive.  You like bows, but your little girl likes to play in the dirt and catch bugs...then that's OK.  You liked playing soccer, but your son wants to try tap dancing...then that's OK.  You're a doctor but your child says she wants to work on cars when she grows up...then that's OK.  Instill in your child that they can do whatever they want to do...they can like whatever they like (unless it's acorns...that's a hard "no")...they can be their own person and do NOT have to follow in your shadow.

We're struggling with this in our house BIG TIME lately.  She doesn't listen to us (pretends she doesn't hear us is more like it), so we get mad.  She continues to not listen to us, so we get even more mad.  We start yelling, she starts arguing.  We (stupidly) argue back, she gets mad and also starts yelling.  We get more mad and tell her to go to her room or get popped, she runs around screaming she doesn't want to go upstairs but still doesn't want to do what we asked in the first place.  We scream more, she screams more, and then eventually runs upstairs crying and yelling "You're not my best friend anymore...not ever ever ever!" .... which of course only makes us more mad as I'm screaming "That's right, I'm not your best friend, I'm your mother!"  It's awful.  I hate it.  I usually cry afterwards.  This article right here explains how to offer choices (and use them appropriately) to hopefully avoid the power struggle.  I've seen parents use this technique and works flawlessly for them.  That's NOT saying that it will work flawlessly for everybody, but it at least offers a little more guidance.

For all the times you're worrying about if your child is doing what they should, acting right, listening, being respectful, sharing, etc...stop and really pay attention.  They're probably already pretty great!

My kid asked me to buy some healthy snacks like grapes and apples instead of mini muffins.

She picks me a flower almost every day I pick her up from school and says "for you, mommy."

She talks about wanting to be a painter and a chef and a doctor and an animal doctor and a mechanic and a runner and swimmer and a gymnast and an astronaut and a scientist.

She asks about why people are sick and who's going to help them feel better.

She makes sure her baby doll is swaddled properly and has a blanket, pillow, and animal every night at bedtime.

She understood she couldn't keep her butterflies in a cage and was excited to let them go.

She loves to help feed the birds.

She talks about giving her old baby toys away to her baby cousins and her too-small clothes to Little Miss Natalie at "mommy's work."

She's really pretty awesome...despite the fact that I yell, scream, and spank. :)

Happy parenting, y'all!

On a side note:  A 9 year old boy who passed away as a result of that accident on Riverwatch was an organ donor and now 4 or 5 more people will live because of him.  A child y'all.  Are you an organ donor?  No?  You should be! If a 9 year old can do it, you can do it!

Convos With My Kid

I realized yesterday, on one of our rousing after-school car rides, that it's been a while since I posted one of these....so enjoy!

A Lesson on Pre-Birth Toys

A:  Mommy, what kind of toys did I have when I was baby?

M:  You had baby toys...rings and blocks and stuff.

A:  But what about what kind of toys did I have before I was born?

M:  Uh...what?

A:  When I was still in your tummy...didn't I have toys to play with?

M:  Oh....no dear, there weren't any toys in mommy's tummy.

A:  Well what did I do?

M:  Uh.....you slept a lot and flips and stuff.

A:  Oh...am I still taking gymnastics class soon?  I love to do flips!

M: (grateful for the change of subject)...Yes dear, you sure are!

Lessons on Heaven

**Let me preface this by saying that while Dave and I aren't religious and we're choosing not to educate Aria in organized religion just yet, we do teach her about Heaven.  Not the religious beliefs that go with it, but just as a nice place to go when you die.

In talking about yesterday's early morning house fire

A:  Mommy, what happened at that fire we saw this morning?

M:  I don't know honey.  The family made it out safe, but their dog didn't.

A:  Well what happened to him?

M:  He didn't make it out of the house after it caught on fire and he died.

A:  He got all burned up and then he died?  Did he go to Heaven?

M:  He probably did get burned when he died and yes, he did go to Heaven.

A:  Well mommy....how did he get to Heaven? How do we get to Heaven?

M:  Um.....Well, when we die, our bodies stay here to get buried, but our souls...the very part of us that makes up who we are...goes to Heaven.

A:  But how do our souls GET to Heaven?

M:  Well...it just sort of floats up all by itself.

A:  Oh.  I don't want to go to Heaven.

M:  Sure you do!  It's the best place to be!

A:  But you have to die to get there and I don't want to die.

M:  (oh jeepers)...Everybody dies, honey.  When people get old and have lived a wonderful life and they've done everything they want to do, they die.  Or sometimes when people get really really sick and they just can't go on anymore, they die.

A:  But mommy, you're old and you're not dying and going to Heaven....

In talking about thunder

A:  I'm scared of the thunder!

M:  It's OK to be scared of that thunder honey, it is loud...but do you know what thunder is?

A:  I know it goes with lightning.

M:  That's right!  But did you know that when you hear thunder, it's actually just somebody up in Heaven bowling?

A:  Bowling?  I didn't know that!  I've never been bowling...but I'm not scared of it!

M:  Good!  So every time you hear thunder, you just think about those people up in Heaven bowling.  Sometimes it's really loud and that's when they knock all the pins down...and sometimes it's quieter and that's when they only knock a few pins down.

A:  Mommy!  Did you hear that thunder?? It was just little, so somebody up in Heaven isn't a very good bowler today.

A Lesson on Healthy Food Options

A:  Mommy, did you know that lettuce is good for you?  It looks like leaves on a tree and we eat it in salads!  Did you know that?

M:  That's right...lettuce is good for you.

A:  You know what else is good for you and tastes really yummy and I like to eat it?  ACORNS!

M:  Really?  Are you a squirrel?  Only squirrels eat acorns you goof!

A:  No mommy, I'm not a squirrel, but I eat acorns!  They're yummy!

M:  Um, what?

A:  Acorns mommy, they're so tasty.

M:  Um, you eat acorns?

A:  I do! I like them!

M:  What do you mean you eat them and like them?  Where do you eat acorns?

A:  At school!

M:  Aria!  You can't eat acorns!  First of all, they're not food, second of all, they're really hard and will break your teeth!  And third, you can't just pick things off the ground and eat them...they could make you sick!!

A:  Well they're not hard after you crack them.  I don't eat the hard part, just the black part in the middle.  It's not so hard.

M:  Oh my god. What do you mean you crack them?!

A:  With my shoe.  I step on them on the concrete and they crack and then I eat the black part in the middle.  It's tasty.

M:  No Aria....please don't eat any more acorns.  No more acorns!  Don't eat ANYTHING you see on the ground!

A:  OK.  Well the other day I found something round and white that looked like a berry, but I didn't eat it because I thought maybe it was a marble.

M:  Oh my god!  Don't eat anything you find on the ground!! If you even think you want to eat it, ask a grown up first!!

Convos with my Kid

Just for my brother :)

A Lesson on Permission
A:  **goofing off at table while at dinner and sitting next to Grandma**
G:  Aria, please sit nice.
A:  **still goofing off**
M:  Aria, knock it off, or I'm going to tell Grandma to pop you!
A:  **still goofing off**
G:  Aria, stop that! **pops Aria on the thigh**
A:  Ouch!  Hey Grandma, my mommy didn't say you could pop me yet!

A Lesson on Wants (this is something I wrote down when Aria was two and a half) at "Mexican Monday" for dinner
*waiter puts bowl of shredded cheese for my brother on table in front of Aria instead*
A:  CHEEEEEESE!!
M:  No Bunny, that's not your cheese, that's Uncle Will's cheese.  
*hands bowl of cheese to Will* 
A:  No, that's my cheese!
M:  Maybe if you ask Uncle Will real nice, he'll give you some. 
A:  No! My cheese!
M:  Aria, you have to ask him real nice and he'll give you some.
A:  *in total Milton from Office space style* No, I'll get it myself.
*This little turd got out of her chair, walked around the table, asked to be picked up by Papa Gerald (who was sitting next to Uncle Will) and proceeded to lean forward until her hand collided with cheese*

A Lesson on Labor and Delivery Gone Wrong (or the night my child asked a thousand questions I was unprepared to answer)
*while watching an episode of ER*
A:  Mommy, what's happening to that lady?
M:  She's having a baby, honey.
A:  Well what's wrong with her?
M:  She's sick so the baby has to come out now.
A:  What's wrong with that baby?
M:  The baby looks like he's stuck.  His shoulder is stuck and they're trying to get him out.
A:  Why is he stuck?
M:  Because his shoulders are too big, honey.
A:  What are the doctors doing now?
M:  They're trying to push the baby back in because it's too big to come out, so they have to do surgery to get the baby out a different way.
A:  A different way?
M: Mm hmm, they have to cut open the mommy's belly to get the baby out that way.
A:  Why is that lady bleeding so much?
M:  Because something happened during the surgery and she's bleeding.
A:  What are the doctors doing?
M:  Getting the baby out.
A:  Why is that baby blue?
M:  Because that baby isn't breathing yet.
A:  Why isn't that little baby crying?
M:  I don't know, honey.
A:  What's that doctor doing on top of that mommy?
M:  He's putting his hand inside of her belly to try to stop the bleeding.
A:  Where's the baby going?
M:  To be with some better doctors who can help that baby.
A:  But why isn't the mommy going?  Who's going to go with that baby?
M:  The daddy is going to go with the baby.
A:  Well then who's going to stay with the mommy?  What's going to happen to her?
M:  I don't know, honey.  My, you sure are full of questions tonight.
A:  Yeah, I know.

A Lesson on Frustration
M:  I'm sorry Aria...mommy's not really mad at you, I'm just frustrated.
A:  Why are you frustrated?
M:  I just am, dear.
A:  You know what Daniel Tiger's mommy says to do when you're frustrated?  She says "You need to take a step back and ask for help."
M:  That's good advice honey.
A:  Let me see you take a step back.
M:  Mommy is busy right now and I'll take a step back later.
A:  You don't know how?  Want me to show you how to take a step back?  It's real easy.  And then you ask for help.  You can ask me for help, mommy.  I'll help you.

A Lesson on Lack of Play Dates
A:  Mommy, when will we go back to Matt and Graham's house?
M:  I don't know, honey.  Mommy and Ms. Beth have been real busy lately and haven't had much time for play dates.
A:  Oh.  I miss play dates.  When can we go back to Hoppy Feet?
M:  I'm not sure honey.  Not for a while because you have two more weeks of swim lessons coming up next week.
A:  Oh.
M:  But summer is coming and I'm sure we'll be able to have lots of play dates real soon.
A:  Yay!  I want to have a play date at Matt and Graham's house...and I want to have a play date at Hoppy Feet... and I want to have a park play date (but only at the park that Matt and Graham go to, we have to be at the same park) ... and I want to have a beach play date.  Do you know what a beach play date is, mommy?  It's when we have a play date at the beach!
M:  I'll see what I can do, honey.

Convos With My Kid

A quick installment of Convos with my Kid!  We're going camping (blech) in the rain (double blech) this weekend and I'm hoping (not quite as secretly as I would like) that Aria will have a horrible time and I'll never have to go again.  Or maybe she'll love it and we can go more often on non-rainy, non-buggy days so we can get our money's worth out of all the supplies we bought.  Needless to say, I'm the least excited about going camping compared to Dave and Aria.

Aria has been particularly "grown" lately....

A Lesson on Baby vs. Big Girl
D:  You're my baby.
A:  No I'm not, I'm a big girl!
D:  But you'll always be my baby.
A:  NO I'M NOT A BABY, I'M A BIG GIRL!!
M:  Aria, mommy is grandma's baby...and even know I'm big now, I'm still grandma's baby.
A:  You're grandma's baby?  That's because you cry all the time, mommy.

A Lesson on Punishment to Location Ratio
D:  Aria, knock it off or I'll put you in time out!!
A:  Where are you going to put me in time out?  We're riding in the car!

Another Lesson on Big Girls
A:  Look mommy, a boogie!
M:  Aria, you better not eat that boogie...
A:  Oh I'm not going to eat my boogies and toenails anymore, mommy.
M:  Oh?
A:  Nope.  I'm not going to eat my boogies and toenails anymore because now I'm four, and four year olds are big girls, and big girls don't eat boogies and toenails.  That's so gross!
M:  Well OK then!

A Lesson on Gender Roles
A:  Mommy, how many more days until we go camping?
M:  Just one more day honey.  Tomorrow is Thursday...then the day after is Friday and we're going camping after I pick you up from school around lunch time.
A:  Well then that's two days more days until camping, not one.
M:  Yes dear.
A:  Mommy, who's going to put up the tent?
M:  Mommy and daddy are going to put it up, but if it's raining, just daddy will put it up.
A:  What can I do to help?
M:  You can hold the tent stakes for us and hand us one when we ask.
A:  Can I hammer them in?
M:  Well no honey, I think daddy will handle that part.
A:  No!  I want to hammer them in with that hammer I saw in the back of daddy's car.
M:  OK honey, but you'll have to ask daddy.
A:  Daddy already said I could hammer something with that hammer!
M: OK.
A:  Mommy, I have a new plan.  I'm going to set up the tent, you can help, and daddy can go find us some fire wood.  Does that sound like a good plan?

Have a good weekend, y'all!  Hopefully this rain will move out soon!

My weekend will be like this, but in a tent...oh goodie

Convos with my Kid

It's been about a month since I last shared with you the wisdom that falls out of my child's mouth, so it must be time to have another installment of CONVOS WITH MY KID!

A Lesson on Anatomy
A:  I didn't like that meatball.
M:  Which one?
A:  The one I already ate.
M:  Oh.
A:  You can't see it, it's in my body.


A Lesson on Sugar
A:  Grandma, what are you doing?
G:  I'm checking my blood.
A:  Checking your blood?  For what?
G:  To see how much sugar I have in my blood.
A:  Sugar?  Are you checking to see how fat you are?
**The Bearenstain Bears taught us in "Too Much Junk Food" that too many sugary sweets are unhealthy and make us gain weight like the cubs and Papa Bear...so it's only fair that if we have sugar in our blood, we are unhealthy and gaining weight.**


A Lesson on Singing
G:  Let's all sing "Happy Birthday" to Papa!
A:  OK!
*everybody starts singing*
A:  No!  I'm not gonna sing!!


A Lesson on Swimming
M:  Aria, grandma signed you up for swimming lessons!
A:  She did?!!! YAY!  I can't wait!
M:  So you're going to brave, right?
A:  Oh yes mommy.  But do they have a kiddie pool?
M:  Well no, you can't learn how to swim in water that only comes to your knees.
A:  But mommy, who's going to hold me hand?
M:  You'll be holding onto the wall, not somebody's hand.  You're going to be alright.
A:  OK.  We have to bring my towel and my swimsuit and my floaties and my turtle and my water shoes and we have to buy a face mask and some flippers so I can swim VERY fast.


A Lesson on Cars
A:  Mommy, do you know what kind of car I want when I'm older?  I want a really really really really really really really really really big car and a really really really really really really really really fast car.
M:  OK honey, we'll see.
A:  Mommy, I like this car.  Can this be my car when I'm older?
M:  Well dear, probably not.  It's going to be at least 12 years before you're driving and I don't think I'm going to still have this car in 12 years.
A:  Well mommy, you can get a new car and then you can save this one for me and then I can have it when I'm older.
A:  *under her breath* This is going to be MY car!


A Lesson on Shows
A:  Mommy, what are you doing?
M:  I'm going through the DVR and deleting the shows we don't watch anymore.
A:  But mommy, don't delete that show I watched yesterday!!
M:  Um....which show honey?
A:  The doctor one!
M:  Oh!  You liked that show?
A:  Oh yes, I did!
A:  But mommy, do you know what's better than people doctor shows?
M:  What?
A:  ANIMAL doctor shows!
**Aria has taken a strong liking to medical shows.  She LOVES to watch Grey's Anatomy with us and has a million and one questions about the medical procedures they're doing.  In fact, she points out that we can't watch the next episode without her because she wants to see what's going to happen.  She also loves to watch Night Shift, but hasn't asked any questions yet.  She also watches The Incredible Dr. Pol with my mom and loves that, too.  Maybe she'll be a doctor one day :) **

Convos With My Kid

A quick update on Dave (because he pointed out to me that I hadn't updated on him lately and I thought I had).  Dave's hair is growing back on his head and his face.  It's ultra soft (I mean ULTRA soft).  At first it was light...like really light....light gray or blonde maybe.  But now that it's been growing for a bit, it's starting to darken.  His facial hair appears to be a similar color as it was before.  His body hair is just now starting to come back in and is itchy, of course.  In terms of energy level, he feels back to normal.  He's feeling more and more like himself every day.  He has said that now that he's beaten cancer, it's time to start taking better care of himself...eating better, drinking more water, and exercising.



And now...my silly little love muffin, who officially became "preschool age" yesterday on her fourth birthday.  She got to have breakfast at Waffle House with Grandma (complete with dessert), mini cupcakes at school (the teacher told her she could have two), got to jump in the massive puddles at home with her rain boots and rain coat on, got at almost hour-long bath after puddle-jumping to get clean (and warm), and got to watch one of her shows on a school night while having her favorite go-to meal for dinner:  cheese sandwich (not grilled) and BBQ chips.

My way of commemorating her 4th birthday was to give her her very first dose of REAL cold medicine!  I've been waiting for that day for four years!  She woke up today with no snot dripping down her face, no boogers crusted to her face, and much less stuffiness than yesterday.  Triaminic and I are going to have a very beautiful relationship!


A Lesson on Jokes
A:  Mommy, I'm going to tell you a joke.
M:  Oh, you learned a joke at school today?
A:  No, but I'm going to tell you a joke.
M:  OK, go ahead.
A: ....... put a goat in a tree! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
M:  Well honey, that's not quite a joke, but it sure is something silly.
A:  Mommy, I'm going to tell you another joke!
A:  ..... put a chicken in a rain cloud! HAHAHAHAHA!
A:  ..... put BBQ chips on a sandwich! HAHAHAHAHA!
A:  ..... put a house on top of a bird! HAHAHAHA!!
A:  ..... put a dolphin on top of a cat! HAHAHAHA!!!
*and on and on and on for four miles*


A Lesson on Style
M:  Look Aria, new panties!  They're a new style for you...boy shorts.
A:  Why am I wearing boy panties?
M:  No honey, they're not boy panties...it's just a style name, that's all.
A:  Mommy, I love this new style!!
A:  *singing to the tune of Style by Taylor Swift* I never go out of style, I never go out of style!  These panties never go out of style! We never go out of style!


A Lesson on Space Objects
A:  Mommy! Did you see that red thing in the sky?  What was it?
M:  No honey, I didn't see it.  Where did you see it?
A:  In the sky, out the big window in the front [of the car].  Did you miss it?
M:  I guess I did.  Maybe it was an airplane.
A:  No it wasn't an airplane!  It was in the sky and then it fell down over there *points to the trees across the street*
M:  Well maybe it was a bird.
A:  Birds don't fall!
M:  Well...maybe it was aliens!
A:  Ugh!  No mom, it wasn't aliens!  It must have been a space rock!
M:  Oh, like an asteroid? *thinking to myself "she has no idea what that even is...*
A:  No, it wasn't an asteroid.  If it feel from the sky, that means it was a meteor.  Meteors fly around up in space and then fall to earth.  Sometimes they fall into the oceans.
M:  Who taught you that?
A:  I don't know.  Mommy, look at those birds!
(she tends to be like the dogs in the Disney Pixar movie UP...." ......squirrel......")
M:  *under my breath* Probably stupid Star Trek.


A Lesson on Shells (continuation from previous story, actually)
A:  Mommy, look at those birds!
M:  Yes honey, I see them.
A:  They're flying away really fast.  They must be trying to get home and out of the rain and snuggle up in their nests with their families.
M:  That's exactly what they're trying to do!
A:  Mommy, do you know what my favorite kind of shell is?
M:  *that's not a topic that usually follows birds*  No honey, I don't.
A:  A sea star!  That's a shell from the water that's shaped like a star!
M:  That's true.  But it's not really a shell.  A sea star is a creature that lives in the water...it doesn't have a shell.
A:  Oh.  Did you know that some shells sounds like the sea?
M:  I did know that, but how do you know that?
A:  When you pick up a shell and put it to your ear and listen, you can hear the waves from the ocean.  That's so cool!
M:  That is really cool, isn't it?  You know, Grandma used to have a really big shell a long time ago that you could hear the ocean in.
A:  But she doesn't anymore.
M:  No?  How do you know that?
A:  Because I've never seen it in her house before, that's how.
M:  Well maybe it's put away somewhere...we'll ask her about it next time we're over there.
A:  Mommy, guess how many cupcakes I had today?
(again........ "......squirrel.......")

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL!!

(FYI:  My next book review will be on Everything I Never Told You  by Celeste Ng and will be headed your way in the first half of March).

Convos With My Kid

It's amazing how, when I really get down to thinking about it, my kid does an awful lot of silly things in just one week's time!

Below is a legend...because I realize that some of these conversations will have taken place with people other than me, and it'll just be easier this way :)

M-Me     D-Dave     G-Grandma     P-Papa     W-Uncle Will     J-Aunt Jill

A Lesson on How to be a Diva
A:  *singing along with her new Doc McStuffins microphone* I feel better, so much better, thank you Doc for taking all the ouchies away........
*finishes singing*
*everyone claps and claps*
A:  *sings again*
G:  Thank you doc for taking all the...
A:  *stops singing* No Grandma! YOU DON'T SING!
A:  *continues singing from the beginning*
nobody claps this time (because we already clapped, of course)
A:  CLAP!!
*everyone starts clapping*
A:  Clap LOUDER!
A:  *notices Jill is busy laughing instead of clapping*  Jill, you didn't clap.  CLAP!!
(repeat x3)
J:  Oh my God, make sure you put this in your blog! (check!)

A Lesson on Valentine's Day
M:  How was your Valentine's party at school today?
A:  It was good.  It was somebody's birthday, so we had cupcakes with blue icing.  Look, I got it all under my fingernails.
M:  Oh goodie.  Did you get a lot of Valentines in your treat bag?
A:  Yeah, but the teacher didn't pass out my valentines.
M:  Are you sure honey?  They passed out everybody's.
A:  Well mommy, they passed out everybody else's bud didn't pass out mine.
M:  Well honey, that can't be right.  That doesn't sound right.
A:  No mommy, it's right.  They were on the counter with everybody else's and they just didn't pass out mine.
M:  How do you know?
A:  Because there isn't a sucker in my treat bag and my Valentines had suckers, so they didn't pass them out.
M:  Well honey, you wouldn't have gotten one of your OWN Valentines...they were for all of your friends.
A:  I know mommy, but they didn't pass out mine.  I just wanted one of my suckers!!
*looking through her treat bag at home later*
A:  Oh look mommy, they DID pass out my Valentines....I have one of my suckers!!

On a side note from the above Valentine's Day convo....some parents are just plain dumb.  It is more than fine for you to feed whatever kind of horribly-inappropriate candy to your kid that you see fit.  That's fine.  But DON'T introduce that kind of candy to MY kid.  My 4 year old does not yet need to know about full-size blow pops (the ones with the gum).  My 4 year old absolutely cannot eat Laffy Taffy or Now-n-later.  Be reasonable with your candy choices when providing candy for children.  It's not hard.  Let your common sense kick in and choose a candy/snack that is appropriate for the collective age....not just yours. (And thank God there were not any live animals given to the kids this time!!)

A Lesson on McDonalds
A:  Why did daddy call?
M:  To remind me to check your food before I leave the drive-thru (I hate that they don't spell it "through"....drive mes nuts!) to make sure it's correct.
A:  The last time daddy and me went to McDonalds, my burger was wrong.  They had mustard, pickles, and ONIONS on my burger! Gross!
M:  Oh, that is gross! Sometimes that happens, honey.
A:  Yeah, it happens a lot because they're such idiots at McDonald's.



Other things that occurred with Aria this week:
1.  She had a melt down when she came downstairs on Sunday after her nap and realized that I had taken down the Christmas tree (shut up, don't judge me!!) without her....she then proceeded to tell me, over and over again, how I hurt her feelings by doing that.
2.  We surprised her with a trip to the movies to see Paddington (super cute, FYI) and all we got at the end was "But I wanted to go somewhere with a playground!" .... ungrateful brat!
3.  Aria had blue frosting on the cupcakes at school on Friday, had a blue icee at the movies on Saturday, and wanted a blue slushie at Chili's for dinner that same night.  On Monday night....her poop was blue.  Like...BLUE! (also...she was EXTRA wired on Friday and Saturday from all that extra sugar she's not used to!)
4.  Aria came down the stairs and found her new Barbie convertible....10 minutes later, Barbie convertible comes flying through the kitchen with Barbie, Cookie Monster, Minnie Mouse, and a Madagascar penguin all riding together.  Three of the four were buckled in, at least...even though Minnie was living dangerously and was actually riding outside of the car.

Have a great Thursday!

(unrelated Throwback Thursday side note:  I totally just heard a coworker say "all that and a bag of chips"!)